Child stars need to chill out

Dude, what is going on with child stars? The other day, Haley Joel Osment (the kid from The Sixth Sense who is now 18) crashed his 1995 Saturn at 1 a.m. on his way home. The L.A. County Sheriff's Department took blood tests because, yup, they suspect it was an alcohol-related car accident. The results on his blood alcohol content will be known in three weeks. He's okay and everything, so I think it's cool for me to laugh at the fact that he drives a 1995 Saturn. He always seemed so wise, I never expected him to go all drunken and crazy on us. Damn you, Osment -- giving kid actors a bad name!

And if that wasn't enough, how about little Dakota Fanning. You know her from I Am Sam, War of the Worlds, and The Cat in the Hat -- and you know her because she's taken over the Hollywood's Child Prodigy spot from that other driving-impaired kid. It turns out her mother and agent are apparently frustrated by her lack of Oscar nominations after her staggering half decade-long career. To rectify this, her next role is in a movie called Hounddog, which IMDB.com describes as "a drama set in the American South, where a precocious, troubled girl (Fanning) finds a safe haven in the music and movement of Elvis Presley." To the more common folk, Hounddog is being talked about as the movie in which little Dakota Fanning does partial nudity and has an explicit rape scene. Who the (F word) in their right mind thinks a potential Oscar nomination is more important than a 13-year-old girl's mental health? I'm sure Fanning is professional and mature beyond her years, but really... why push the envelope this far? What they're risking is traumatizing a little girl, but I guess to her agent and mother, that coveted Oscar nomination is what matters most. I hope she doesn't get nominated, so her business team and mother will realize stunts like this don't work.

Ask Fanning's agent and she acts like it's no big deal. Look at these quotes she gave reporters and judge for yourself:
- "It's not just the rape scene - the whole story is challenging Dakota as an actress."
- "And I've never been so proud of her in my life. In every scene she gets better and better."

Batman Begins sequel title revealed?

Michael Caine, who played Alfred the butler in Batman Begins, recently let the title of the next Batman film -- or what he thinks is the title -- slip during an interview with Turner Classic Movies. While talking about director Christopher Nolan, Caine said:

"I wanted to work with him and then Christopher Nolan who directed Batman [Begins] is doing a smaller film called The Prestige about magicians and it's very interesting. And we're going to make The Joker next year."

It's hard to say if that's just a working title or an off-the-cuff nickname for the Batman sequel, but I'm kind of hoping they stick with it. Not including the word 'Batman' in the title of a Batman movie is a bold move, but you can't escape the badass factor it lends the movie. And Nolan's already overhauled the entire Batman landscape -- why not keep taking risks?

I'm all for it. What do you think?

EDIT: New word is that the Batman sequel will be called The Dark Knight.

Lots of people saw Pirates 2

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest is a big deal.

In its first day of release, it made $55.5 million. That's the biggest opening day ever. And the biggest single day's gross for any movie... ever.

On Saturday, its second day of release, Pirates took in another $44.6 million. That's $100.2 million in just two days. Another one for the record books.

Up to this point, Spider-Man had held the record for largest opening weekend gross with $114.8 million. With Pirates earning over $100 mill in just two days, I'm sure you see where this is going...

On Sunday, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest's opening weekend box office numbers were revealed to be $132 million. That's not just beating Spider-Man, it's stomping on it.

Nobody asked, but my personal opinion on Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest is that it's a lot more flashy and action-packed than the original, but somehow less entertaining. There's a lot of cool stuff going on and a whole lot to look at, but you find yourself watching pretty absent-mindedly and not ever wondering, or caring, about the outcome.

There's a cool stunt sequence with Jack Sparrow, a bamboo stick and lots of fruit. And there's also a pretty cool sea monster called the Kraken -- it's a giant killer squid. Yeah, and the villain Davy Jones has a beard made of tentacles that look like pasta. And every member of his ship's crew is a half-dead, half-human, half-fish creature so that's kind of cool to look at. Also, there's a couple of swordfights on top of large, round moving objects. Oh, and a few sly refences to the first movie.

But all of that doesn't amount to much. It's all there and cool to look at one second, and gone the next. Most of the big stunt sequences are like mini-episodes in themselves that are impressive while happening but ultimately don't mean much. And sure, Johnny Depp and the rest of the cast is still very good, but do we care enough about what they're doing?

It's almost as if a bunch of really cool-sounding scenarios were thought up and then jam-packed into two and half hours of film... and then a story was tacked on. There's just nothing solid holding together all these separate pieces, and it comes off feeling hollow.

I'm still a fan of the franchise and I won't go so far as to say I didn't like Dead Man's Chest. I'm just disappointed because it could've been great. The Pirates of the Caribbean movie franchise is based on a Disney roller coaster ride, which bascially means that producers started with a title, general idea and little else. Curse of the Black Pearl rose above that and felt like a fully realized adventure movie. Watching Dead Man's Chest, on the other hand, you definitely feel like you're watching a theme park ride come to life. Whether that's a good thing depends on your taste.

The smelly truth about Larry King

So here I am kicking back, about to go to bed, when I see this Gawker item. For those of you too lazy to click -- and I really suggest that you click -- here's the gist of it:

Larry King is allegedly a huge farter. And if you watched the Star Jones interview the other night, you may have heard him let one loose! Yeah, according to the article, he honked on-air near the end of Star's interview.

Also, a source claims to have had a King odor-rocket launched at her at a 1996 charity BBQ in Idaho. Her quote is hilarious: "He leaned left and beefed right... directly on me. I was in high school, didn't know what to do..."

There's another story there about Larry King's handler having to stop filming every 10 to 15 minutes so Larry could detonate steam bombs. There's even more there about a fan hidden under Larry's desk that directs his fart-stank away from guests.

Yeah, I know this is not earth-shattering news. But farts are funny, so there you go.

Lost vs. Best Drama Nominees

The powers that be over at Emmy central decided on a new voting process for the 2006 show. In a nutshell, the goal of the new voting process was to give lesser-known actors and TV shows a better shot at snagging a nomination. The details of all that are very murky to me. What is clear, though, is that Lost is missing from the best dramatic series category. And that is bullshit.

Here's a side-by-side look at Lost and the nominated shows:

Grey's Anatomy -- I admit, this show's Superbowl gimmick sucked me in. I watched the "code black" episode and I found myself oddly entertained by the prospect of seeing someone explode onscreen. BUT, had I known that said Superbowl episode would catapult this show into uber-popularity and help the show elbow its way into the Best Drama category come Emmy time, I would not have watched. In fact, I'd probably have run around turning off people's TV sets before the SuperBowl post-show even started. Grey's Anatomy is not a bad show. In fact, it shows potential for greatness with its diverse cast and plots that take time to develop. But when Lost, one of the smartest and most genuinely original shows on TV, gets snubbed for what is (so far) just a good hospital soap, I get upset.

House -- Emmy voters got this one wrong. The best thing about House is Hugh Laurie, the show's hugely convincing a-hole doctor. He (and not the show) should have been nominated for an award. What's interesting is that Laurie wasn't nominated in the best actor category. So what's House doing taking Lost's spot in the top 5? How strange.

The Sopranos -- I'm not one of those people frustrated with The Sopranos this season. Yes, it's been more cerebral and less violent. Hell, Tony even spent two entire episodes in a coma. But I've never been bored with this show. In all sorts of different ways, large and small, Sunday nights with The Sopranos are always entertaining. This one deserves its nomination.

24 -- 24 has just come off its most thrilling season. It kicked off with two pivotal characters -- one wildly popular one, at that -- getting killed, and ended with a bloodied Jack held captive on a slow boat to China. All the CTU business, edge-of-your-seat fieldwork and the Logans made this a standout season for the show. And another deserving nominee. Yet, I still don't think 24 brings nearly as much to the table as Lost does. And I'm a crazy fan of both.

The West Wing -- I'm not a Grey's Anatomy supporter, but with the year it just had, I admit it was probably impossible to ignore come Emmy time. The Sopranos and 24, I support. House was a mix-up, but at least one that I can rationalize. A West Wing nomination over Lost, however, I cannot rationalize. The West Wing outstayed its welcome and suffered fledgling ratings until its last episode. The show even recently resorted to a live (fake) presidential debate as a ratings gimmick. I know this was The West Wing's final season and it's nice to invite them to the party one last time... but even the weakest episode of Lost's second season was better than anything on The West Wing. This show just doesn't deserve to be in the best drama category anymore, and nominating it out of sentimentality and not merit is pretty lame.

Sure, this might have all sounded like one long, wordy whine over a personal favorite being snubbed by an award show. And it was, but there's something fishy going on when a critically acclaimed show that improved, expanded and blew its viewers minds in its second season gets completely left off the best drama nominees list -- THE VERY CATEGORY FOR WHICH IT WON THE AWARD LAST YEAR.

Get your heads out of your asses next year, Emmy voters. For now, deal with Hurley (below). He looks pissed.