BetterThanSteak: A Pop Culture Blog

Celebrity Madness: Alec Baldwin edition

2007-04-19T17:41:00.000-07:00

If Akon manhandling a young fan all over the stage wasn't enough celebrity madness for you, here's even more.

This time, it's a leaked audio clip of Alec Baldwin berating his 12-year-old daughter. It's terrible. And it's very funny too -- until the end when you get the sense Baldwin is threatening to physically hurt her.

Check it out here: Alec Baldwin berates, threatens his daughter

Seriously, you'd think he was verbally abusing an ex-girlfriend or his cleaning lady until he says, "You don't have the brains or the decency as a human being. I don't give a damn that you're 12 years old or 11 years old. Or that you're a child."

Craaaaazy. All of that said, Baldwin is one of my favorite actors and is honestly brilliant on NBC's "30 Rock." Check it out Thursdays after "The Office."

Akon LOSES IT... and it's FUNNY

2007-04-18T15:47:00.000-07:00

Let's see if I can stop laughing long enough to type this out.

At a concert in Trinidad the other night, Akon tricked a group of young girls into thinking they could win a trip to Africa if they danced with him on stage.

Well, there was no trip to Africa. He just wanted to get dirty.

Watch this video of Akon and a likely bewildered young fan of his. I know you'll probably be scared for her safety and all, but I think it's okay to laugh.

If my baby gets cold and it needs a blanket, it's alright because I have it

2007-04-16T15:45:00.000-07:00

I know that I should get off of YouTube and do something with my day. But video clips like this make it damn hard to lead a productive life. That's really all the introduction you need. You're welcome:

The SNL roundup

2007-04-16T15:04:00.000-07:00

Is it just me, or was SNL hilarious last Saturday? I know I just posted an SNL clip, but here are two other must-see moments.

The first is a quick segment called "An Intimate Moment with John Mayer & Jessica Simpson." It's funny because it is probably DEAD ON. Check it out:

The second clip is of Mya Rudolph and host Shia LaBeouf sharing a moment backstage at the show. Rudolph is unhinged and hysterical. I dare you not to laugh:

Slow motion + Imogen Heap = EXCELLENT TELEVISION

2007-04-16T13:34:00.000-07:00

If you know me, you know I was a huge fan of Fox's "The O.C." I loved it before it was a phenomenon and stood by it, against the better judgment of others, until the end. Even when the second and third seasons lost their way and started to recycle hackneyed plots, I kept the faith.

There were two things "The O.C." knew how to do extremely well: make good, dramatic use of cool music and deliver a shocking, satisfying season finale.

There was the season 1 montage of sadness set to Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah," of course. And the season 3 death of Marissa Cooper (by way of a car accident caused by an angry surfer -- that's so Cal, isn't it?) set to another version of "Hallelujah." And then there was the series finale's view into the future set to yet another emotionally charged and relevant song.

But the one people remember best is the Marissa-shoots-Trey scenario that ended season 2. Set to the music of Imogen Heap's "Hide and Seek," this scene was brilliant. The gunshot. The swelling music. The over-the-shoulder I-can't-believe-you-just-shot-me glance. It was guilty pleasure TV at its best.

It was also ripe for parody. Check out SNL's most recent digital short, an homage to how excellent a little slow motion and a little Imogen Heap can make a scene.

The thing about "Grindhouse"

2007-04-10T20:38:00.000-07:00

"Grindhouse" was supposed to be huge. What bad could come from the partnering of Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez for an in-your-face exercise in exploitation filmmaking? Well, apparently tons of bad -- to the tune of a sorry $11.6 mil debut.

Words like "underperformed" and even "flop" are being used to describe the film's 4th place premiere. "Blades of Glory," "Meet the Robinsons" and the Ice Cube family flick "Are We Done Yet?" comprised the top 3 spots.

So what happened? Here's what I think went wrong:

1. People didn't understand the concept. "Grindhouse" is a double-feature that pays homage to the shitty -- and I mean shitty in terms of plot and production value -- horror movies and car chase films of the 1970s. These films were bad in mostly every technical way but audiences still flocked to dirty, rundown theaters with almost-broken projectors to watch. "Grindhouse" tries to recreate the entire experience for contemporary movie audiences. Three sentences into a description of the film, I've already proven my point that maybe "Grindhouse" asks too much of mainstream movie-goers. Movie geeks and fanboys were already a lock for this movie, but they are not a big enough population to secure a strong opening weekend.

2. The previews and commercials turned people off. If you haven't seen the movie but have caught commercials for it on TV, then you've seen Rose McGowan sporting a machine gun for a leg. It's a ridiculous and, I think, polarizing image. You either saw that and said to yourself, "I am seeing this movie," or "What the f#@k -- No." Other than that machine-gun-for-a-leg image, I'm not so sure the commercials did a good job of explaining the plots of both movies. I can't imagine many female viewers sat in their living rooms saying, "Strippers, zombies, car chases and explosions? I'm there!"

Also, for some reason Robert Rodriguez's "Planet Terror" got the most airtime in commercials for "Grindhouse," which is a shame because it is the less crowd-pleasing of the two movies.* People were bombarded with images of zombies and Rose McGowan's machine gun leg, and saw very little of Tarantino's "Death Proof." Had the previews focused more on "Death Proof" -- which is surprisingly very much a celebration of strong, badass women -- more people might have checked out the film.

3. Easter weekend. I can't pinpoint a "right" time to release a film like "Grindhouse," but I'm pretty sure Easter weekend isn't it. I don't think America or the world at large was in the mood for a 3-hour-long, R-rated exploitation movie.

Personally, I liked "Grindhouse," but I can't say I would ever again sit through "Planet Terror" or the fake previews and advertisements that frame it.

Tarantino's "Death Proof," however, is chock-full of hypnotic dialogue spoken by fleshed out characters. Before anything significant even happens, you're already high on the movie's atmosphere. Every scene of the movie oozes coolness. And you don't have a pulse if you are not shouting and laughing at the final scene.

The Weinstein Co. is already considering releasing "Planet Terror" and "Death Proof" separately in response to the film's disappointing opening weekend. I say do it and make sure to market Tarantino's "Death Proof" as more of a slasher flick with an emphasis on the film's heroines. Seriously, I think women would love this movie.

* I acknowledge that "Planet Terror" is technically the more faithful to concept of grindhouse films. I mean, it's really very bad. It's bad on purpose, though. "Death Proof," on the other hand manages to be just plain good while still honoring the bad films of the grindhouse era.

Justin Timberlake wants you to know... Vol. 2

2007-03-27T14:02:00.000-07:00

I went to see Justin Timberlake's Future Sex Love Show. It was ridiculously entertaining. Here's a rundown of my night/the show with 9 of Justin's Blatant Attempts at Appearing Dangerous (JTBAAAD) highlighted in red.

6:31 p.m. I come barreling into my friend Laura's driveway. Late as usual, but this time it's somewhat unacceptable because she was one of those freakish 'N Sync fans and who am I to stand in the way of her and Justin Timberlake? We wave goodbye to her dad and speed away.

7:05 p.m. We stand in line so she can buy butt shorts that say "SexyBack" across the keester. I marvel at how many Justin fans are downing lite beer in clear plastic cups. We're really growing up!

7:30 p.m. I make Laura wait in the concessions line with me so I can get two slices of cheese pizza and a water. Because I'm fat on the inside. We hear the crowd start to go wild and assume the show is starting. This particular concessions stand is cash only, I learn, which is frustrating when you're trying to shove a credit card in the cashier's face. Laura loans me the couple of dollars I need to purchase my feast and we're off just in time for the very end of P!nk's first song, "Cuz I Can." Thanks Laura. I owe you some money!

8:35 p.m. P!nk's show ends with her doing some Cirque du Soleil shit up in the air. She's at least 150 feet above the ground harnessed only by what looks like a long silk scarf. At this point, I'm wondering about her life insurance policy.

8:40 p.m. JTBAAAD # 1: As the roadies and stagehands tear down P!nk's set and prepare for Justin's, Nine Inch Nail's "Closer" begins to play. This song is better known for its driving bass line (which, come to think of it, probably inspired "SexyBack") and its chorus of "I want to f**k you like an animal/ I want to feel you from the inside/ I want to f**k you like an animal/ My whole existence is flawed/ You get me closer to God."

It's a well known fact that the headlining artist chooses the music that warms up the crowd before the start of his show. The concert hasn't started yet and already Justin's trying too hard to come off as dangerous. It's actually working though: moms and their teens exchange nervous glances as they begin to notice what's blaring from the speakers. Nice work, JT.

8:45 p.m. Laura goes number 1 in the men's bathroom. She's such a rebel.

8:45:30 p.m. The lights go down and the periphery of a sheer, circular curtain in the middle of the stage lights up in dark red. I start to freak out for Laura's sake, (1) because she's sitting on a men's toilet and (2) because she's missing the intro and I'm the one who told her she had plenty of time.

Time is a blur from 8:45 p.m. to about 1:30 a.m. Here is the set list with some comments along the way.

"FutureSex/LoveSounds" It's a shame that one of the better songs on the album is barely audible below the wild shrieks of the crowd. I'm excited too but damn audience, take a Xanax. Once the sheer curtain raises to reveal JT, clad in a Pee Wee Herman-style grey suit, the crowd gets even nuttier. I hear a little bit of the chorus, I think.

"Like I Love You" There is little to no break between this and the first song so the crowd is still at level 10 for this one. Especially when the backup dancers all group behind JT for the dance break.

"My Love." Justin starts this one slowly, standing in place as he sings with only an orchestral accompaniment and single spotlight on him. But then Justin's high-pitched voice orders, um, the sound guy (?) to "Drop. That. Shit. Right. Now." He's talking about the beat of the song we know from the CD version. That's JTBAAAD # 2.

"Señorita." You'd think after swearing (oooh!), he'd take a little breather from the unsavory behavior. I mean, there are parents and children in the audience! But no, before Justin takes a seat at the keyboard for "Señorita," he asks everyone in the audience to raise their glasses for a toast. Then he says something about not trying this at home and proceeds to take a shot of tequila. Ladies and gentlemen, JTBAAAD # 3.

"Sexy Ladies." Yeah, I don't remember this one.

"Until the End of Time." Don't remember this one either.

"What Goes Around..." This one I remember for a couple of reasons. A spinning, circular piece of lighting equipment descends over JT during the chorus. He's all about beating us over the head with his themes. Get it? What goes around comes around... the lighting equipment is round and moving in a circle. Yeah, you get it.

Also memorable in "What Goes Around..." is the ending, for which JT walks all over the stage pointing a handicam in his own face. Projected onto the screens are uncomfortably close close-ups of his face. And (JTBAAAD # 4!) his middle finger.

JT can say this song isn't autobiographical -- I actually believe the claims that it is about Elisha Cuthbert breaking his friend's heart -- but he better recognize that he's still riding the Britney wave, whether he likes it or not. Half of his fans think this is "Cry Me A River Part II" and he knows it.

"Chop Me Up" f/ Timbaland. Lots of cool images on the circular screens. In fact, there's one screen that says "PARENTAL DISCRETION ADVISED." I'm calling that JTBAAAD # 5.

At this point in the night, there is a 25-minute intermission. Timbaland basically plays a DJ set of popular songs from the past decade, most of them his own. There is an Aaliyah tribute, Nelly furtado songs and even a bit of "Since U Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson. On the screen most of the time throughout Timbo's set are iconic images from recent horror movies like The Ring and The Grudge. Laura and I have no idea why.

"Rock Your Body." The screens are covered in colorful disco lights like in the video. I don't remember much else.

"Set the Mood." Everybody sits down and takes a breather while JT literally sets the mood for a few slower jams.

"Gone." Laura wets her pants because he is playing an 'N Sync song. Justin lets the crowd sing most of the words to this one.

"Take it From Here." Don't remember this one. Moving on.

"Damn Girl." Ow, ow! This one was chock-full of sexy burlesque dancers and stripper lap dances. Uh oh! You know what that means: JTBAAAD # 6.

"Summer Love." One of the most provocative moments of the concert takes place during this one. You see, when JT sings the line "Make you wanna say my name, girl," he is standing behind a female dancer who's bent over with her ass in the air. The music stops just before this line in the song for a good 5 seconds, in which JT surveys the crowd and then knocks the dancer over with a hip thrust. Parents in the audience recoil in horror. The older crowd raises their cups and screams. JTBAAAD # 7, people.

"Losing My Way." Silly use of what looks like a Baptist church's gospel choir in this one. Seriously. It's unnecessary. Oh, but he's singing about a crack addict who threw his life away. Let's call this JTBAAAD # 8.

"Cry Me a River." Pretty standard rendition of one of his older hits.

"LoveStoned." Laura and I complain that for a song whose chorus includes the line, "Those flashing lights seem to cause a glare," there are no lights flashing during this one. There are lasers, though. Lasers are cool, I guess.

"SexyBack." Who doesn't freaking love this song? But this performance of it is actually pretty anticlimactic. Considering the anticipation for this one, I'm surprised JT does not disappear for a few moments to up the ante. He doesn't even leave the stage. He just stands there, then the music sort of just starts. And on he goes.

The dancers, band, Timbaland and Justin all clump together and bow. And wave. Nobody's fooled. There is always an encore. Why do performers even pretend anymore? A few minutes later, JT is back and talking about how grateful and blessed he is. Laura is fumbling for her camera because a close-up of his face is projected on the screen.

"(Another Song) All Over Again." The song title is, I guess, appropriate for an encore. It's a good one. Slow. And then it ends!

I forgot to mention a part of the show where Justin kisses -- or appears to kiss -- a female backup dancer. It's very Britney Spears circa 2001, but I mention it because it's definitely JTBAAAD # 9.

A very fun show. Two and half hours is more than I think anyone expects JT to stay on stage, but he delivers the goods. And so does P!nk as his opening act. And so does Timbaland, for that matter.

Is JT trying very, very hard? You bet. Even so, the energy and spectacle of it all made for an amazing concert experience. Dude just needs to realize he is about as scandalous and dangerous as my mail man.

I'm just putting this out there

2007-03-15T10:49:00.000-07:00

Tango will win New York's love on I Love New York.

I assure you I haven't searched for spoiler information. I'm just going with my gut.

MELTDOWN!

2007-02-18T18:31:00.000-08:00

Well, it's happening. The BRITNEY SPEARS MELTDOWN seems to be in full swing. Here's a highly sexy before shot to which you can compare her shocking new look:

And now, a moment of silence for what she has become:

Why Forest Whitaker will win

2007-02-18T18:00:00.000-08:00

This is a short article I wrote for Buzz Weekly on why I think Forest Whitaker is a shoe-in for the Best Actor Oscar. It's a little more formal than most of what I write for BTS but check it out anyway:

As the final and most anticipated awards show of the season, the Academy Awards ceremony has a knack for surprising audiences. Last year’s frontrunner for Best Picture, Brokeback Mountain, was upset by the better controversial drama, Crash. This year’s ceremony has no apparent frontrunner in the Best Picture category, but the prize for Best Actor is all but set to go to Forest Whitaker in The Last King of Scotland.

Whitaker plays Idi Amin, the larger-than-life former dictator of Uganda. Amin was a dually charismatic and terrifying man, and Whitaker plays the character as such. He makes sure none of his scenes are wasted and that the fear Amin evoked in Ugandans during his reign of terror is palpable throughout.

Whitaker plays Amin as both ruthless and terrifying, but also jovial and reflective. Amin is plain evil in some scenes, yet in others, Whitaker hints that there may just be a method to his madness. Consider a scene in which Amin talks of his affinity for the Scottish culture; Whitaker is brilliant in the way he conveys Amin’s humor, obsessive tendencies and possible lunacy all at once.

The dark horse in the Best Actor category is veteran actor Peter O’Toole for his role in Venus. Having never won an Oscar (not even for Lawrence of Arabia), he is the emotional favorite. Leonardo DiCaprio’s work in Blood Diamond was exceptional, but he was better in The Aviator and still has a long career ahead of him. Ryan Gosling’s nomination for Half Nelson, as well as Will Smith’s for The Pursuit of Happyness, are rewards in themselves.

It would have been easy for Whitaker to play a cartoon version of Idi Amin, but he infuses his performance with enough nuances to suggest a deeper humanity, however warped. This is Whitaker’s award to lose.

A review of Norbit

2007-02-18T17:51:00.000-08:00

This is slightly different from what I normally do on here, but I figured I'd post the short review of Norbit I wrote for Buzz Weekly. Check it out:

There is a certain type of person who goes to see a movie like Norbit, and I am almost positive that person is not reading these words right now. Eddie Murphy stumbled upon this critic-proof formula 11 years ago with the release of The Nutty Professor, a surprisingly heartfelt work of comedy with a likeable protagonist. With Norbit, the fat suits and raunchy comedy are back, but gone is the innocent sweetness audiences loved in The Nutty Professor movies.

Eddie Murphy plays the title character as a soft-spoken, awkward and insecure wreck. Norbit is married to Rasputia (Murphy in a fat suit), one of the most vile characters in recent movie history - and yes, I'm aware the new Hannibal Lecter movie opened this weekend. She is mean beyond redemption and so highly offensive that, naturally, the movie relies heavily (ha!) on her for its laugh-out-loud moments. Consider the montage of sex scenes, which showcase Rasputia taking running leaps onto Norbit and obliterating their bed.

The comedy in Norbit is lowbrow, but Murphy has become such a safe onscreen presence that it all seems less crude and racist than it actually is. Consider a scene in which Norbit's Asian father figure, Mr. Wong (also played by Murphy), tells Norbit, "I don't like black. I don't like Jew either. But black and Jew love Chinese food." These are indeed hateful words but Mr. Wong, one of Norbit's more fully realized characters, manages to turn it into a sort of compliment.

Three months after Borat, however, this all seems as lighthearted and inoffensive as can be - and a lot less funny. If one gets a kick out of fat suits, fart jokes and sight gags that feature a pug in a doggy wheelchair, Norbit is the movie to see.

Justin Timberlake wants you to know he does drugs

2007-02-05T13:02:00.000-08:00

Justin Timberlake, who's on the cover of the current issue of Entertainment Weekly, admitted to the E.W. reporter that he was high when he got Punk'd on Ashton Kutcher's TV prank show.

When asked about getting Punk'd by Kutcher, JT volunteered the following info:

"I'll give you a little hint on that Punk'd thing. That was back in my first-album creative days. That's why I looked the way I did, if that makes any sense to you."

Like any good reporter, the E.W. guy pressed on and flat-out asked JT if he meant he was high:

"Incredibly. Yeah, that was a trippy experience. That was why I was completely glassy-eyed. As a matter of fact, I was like, okay, I got to stop doing this. I don't do that anymore!"

And with that, I refer you this pic of JT and high profile stoner and uber-producer Pharrell Williams in Miami last week:

Yeah, they're not high at all.

All this drug talk started last July when, while in Britain promoting his second solo album, JT said this:

"The drugs that I do have been done in my own private time. I've never been arrested - though that's not to say that I won't. I've done way too many drugs already. I've already inhaled and I've already - who knows? Some drugs haven't been legalized because it will ruin the other drugs, like nicotine and tobacco. Nicotine is more addictive than heroin....We all make mistakes. I'm just like everyone else - I get completely plastered, I've done my fair share of drugs and been caught places with my pants down. It's just that I make sure there are no cameras around."

I'd like to point out that in his attempt to up his edge-factor, JT only made millions of us YouTube that Punk'd clip and remember all over again that when the situation got scary (read: hilarious), he teared up and called his mom.

I'd do the same thing, but still...

The Superbowl Roundup

2007-02-05T10:02:00.000-08:00

First things first: It was outrageously sad to see the Chicago Bears lose to the Colts, 29-17. I don't blame Rex Grossman, but much of Chicago does. Moving on.

The commercials this year were mostly just alright. Some didn't even seem Superbowl-calibur. Here are a few standouts worth mentioning:

--- I'm not quite sure how to say this, but Kevin Federline's ad for Nationwide Insurance was hilarious. The way K-Fed snapped back to reality when his boss at the fast food restaurant called out his name showed surprisingly on-point comedic timing. It's weird when he's in on the joke, but the result was one of the night's best commercials.

--- Did you catch the Budweiser commercial in which the celebratory handpound is replaced with the celebratory bitch slap? That one's bound to cause problems in bars and at frat parties nationwide. Just you wait.

--- There was a sad one about a GM assembly line robot's suicidal daydream.

--- And a Budweiser commercial where a guy wins a game of rock-paper-scissor by actually throwing a rock. Simple, but classic.

--- Dave Letterman and Oprah's super-quick promo for The Late Show was another winner mostly because of its surprise factor. Check it out (above).

--- Oh, and there was another Budweiser commercial with a lot of crabs on a beach that thought a big red Budweiser cooler was their king crab. Kind of made me want to see a Pixar movie about crabs.

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And how about that half-time show? Prince was as weird and amazing as I expected him to be. Yes, he's a strange guy but there's no denying he's massively talented... and he would probably be EXCELLENT at Guitar Hero. He rocked the f***k out! I liked how he covered a couple rock songs ("Proud Mary" and a recent Foo Fighters song) and the way his two lady dancers were flat out going crazy the entire time. The stage, shaped like his signature symbol, along with the array of pyrotechnics in his show -- the lightning, the fireworks, the flames -- made it exhilarating from end to end. In just 15 minutes, we got an unpredictable and exciting crash course in all things Prince. Plus, how cool was it that he closed with "Purple Rain" standing atop a purple-lit stage as it was raining balls?! Don't hate. You know that was badass! People are talking: Best half-time show ever?

[Note: This is a big entry for me because it was one year ago today that I posted my first item on BetterThanSteak. It was about the Superbowl and the "Code Black" episode of Grey's Anatomy that followed it.]

I didn't know people, let alone rich celebrities, really did this

2007-02-04T20:57:00.000-08:00

This is so broke-ass, I had to post it. Check out this recent pic of Britney Spears attending a NYC fashion show wearing something she obviously plans on returning:

The yellow arrow is pointing to the tag she left on, but tried to hide. Gotta love those flash bulbs.

But seriously, Britney Spears... What are you thinking? Were you going to try and return that? I know this divorce might hit your $150 million pockets rather hard, but are you really hurting for money this bad? Were you planning on buying yourself cigarettes, Red Bull and diapers with the return money? Last time I stopped into Walgreens for toothpaste and toilet paper, your perfume still seemed to be selling. And you did sell photos of your first baby to Harper's Bazaar for millions of dollars, didn't you? And word is, the reason no one's seen your second baby is that you plan on exploiting him in the same way -- that ought to be a big cash cow for ya! So why are you pinching pennies? Or is wearing your clothes with the tag still on a "country" thing we just don't get? Like driving with your baby in your lap, or dressing like a crack whore but thinking it's okay since you have cowboy boots on -- is it something like that? Why don't you just disappear for a little while? Spend the time -- oh, I don't know -- hanging out with your sons or running on a tred mill. Seriously, you've been a successful pop star but, right now, you're a 25-year-old divorcée with two children and a fledgling career. Get. Your. Shit. Together.

The movie's rated R and so is this preview...

2007-02-03T08:59:00.000-08:00

Read the previous entry and then check out the trailer for Knocked Up, with Katherine Heigl and Seth Rogen.

This will be good...

2007-01-31T17:28:00.000-08:00

Katherine Heigl? The two funny friends from The 40-Year-Old Virgin? Knocked Up might rock!

The movie's tagline reads: "From Judd Apatow, Director of 'The 40-Year-Old Virgin' comes a comedy about a one night stand that became something more."

Heigl plays a young entertainment journalist with a fast-rising career whose life takes a detour after a drunken one night stand with a slacker (Seth Rogen) leaves her pregnant.

I hope it's rated R like The 40-Year-Old Virgin was. It ups the ante when you know they're not afraid to [Stewie voice] go there.

Also, Knocked Up's IMDB page says Heigl took the lead roll only after Anne Hathaway dropped out. Score!

This will make your day

2007-01-30T23:18:00.000-08:00

You might fall off your chair at around 3:18, when Ellen asks Gladys if she's ever been on televison before.

The Paris fiasco rages on

2007-01-30T14:27:00.000-08:00

Paris Hilton filed the inevitable lawsuit today to shut down parisexposed.com, the site that's either ruining her life or advancing her career.

More importantly, I saw some footage and she does say she gets "f***ed in the butt for coke." Out loud. And clearly.

But for now, here are some pictures of her smoking drugs:

Paris Hilton hits a new low, and it's awesome

2007-01-25T14:17:00.000-08:00

If you haven't heard by now, the contents of an old storage unit rented by Paris Hilton are being made public. After she failed to pay the storage bill, the stuff inside became public property. And after the guy who bought the lost goods realized what he had, he did what anyone would do -- called a business lawyer and negotiated a contract to distribute her belongings. They include diaries, old receipts, *home videos* and other miscellaneous goods.

The two most important things to note are that [1] a prescription for Herpes medication Valtrex was allegedly found, and [2] it was reported that one of the videos features Paris saying, "I get f***ed in the butt for coke." Paris has yet to deny any of these claims, but "I get f***ed in the butt for coke" t-shirts are already selling fast on the web.

This all seems a little too perfect to me. A lot of media outlets are speculating whether this is a scam Hilton might be participating in to put her name back in headlines. Time will tell, but the point is that she has Herpes and gets f***ed in the butt for coke.

By the way, the picture of Hilton up there is a screenshot from one of the videos. And yes, she's smoking a tampon. I feel dirty for having posted this entry. Have a great day.

It's that time again... Oscar predictions

2007-01-25T10:31:00.000-08:00

I'll be honest: I haven't seen many of the nominated movies this year. In fact, I haven't seen most of them. That said, I know plenty about each nominated movie or actor, and have tracked each film's box office and critical success. I might be winging it in some places, but that's half the fun anyway. So, here we go:

BEST PICTURE
Babel
The Departed
Letters From Iwo Jima
Little Miss Sunshine
The Queen

MY PREFERENCE: Little Miss Sunshine
PREDICTED WINNER: Little Miss Sunshine
WHY: It's a controversial choice for Best Picture because it stands alone in comparison to the other more heavy and political movies in the category; I think that will work in its favor. Little Miss Sunshine is both hilarious and dramatic, with enough substance to make it deserving of this prize. Sure, Babel took home the Golden Globe and The Departed is a first-rate crime drama, but do either of those star the little girl who keeps asking for cups of water in Signs? Exaaactly.

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BEST ACTOR
Leonardo DiCaprio, Blood Diamond
Ryan Gosling, Half Nelson
Peter O'Toole, Venus
Will Smith, The Pursuit of Happyness
Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland

MY PREFERENCE: Leonardo DiCaprio, Blood Diamond
PREDICTED WINNER: Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland
WHY: Like last year's winner in this category (Philip Seymour Hoffman) did in Capote, Forest Whitaker plays a well-known public figure and completely inhabits the role in The Last King of Scotland. Watch a preview for this movie and you're already kind of terrified of him. I'd like to see DiCaprio take home the award because he's been excellent in every movie he's made for the past 4 years -- and he picks projects well. But the acclaim Whitaker is receiving is monstrous, so he's pretty much a sure thing to win.

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BEST ACTRESS

Penélope Cruz, Volver
Judi Dench, Notes on a Scandal
Helen Mirren, The Queen
Meryl Streep, The Devil Wears Prada
Kate Winslet, Little Children

MY PREFERENCE: Helen Mirren, The Queen
PREDICTED WINNER: Helen Mirren, The Queen
WHY: Mirren will take home this award because she played a living royal, and she did it well. Lots of women have played queens and other heads of state, but this movie is current with its focus on the days following Princess Diana's death. It's a subject many worldwide feel passionately about and a performance people are calling eerie in its precision.

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BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

Alan Arkin, Little Miss Sunshine
Jackie Earle Haley, Little Children
Djimon Hounsou, Blood Diamond
Eddie Murphy, Dreamgirls
Mark Wahlberg, The Departed

MY PREFERENCE: Mark Wahlberg, The Departed
PREDICTED WINNER: Eddie Murphy, Dreamgirls
WHY: I'd like to see Wahlberg win because the guy's a great actor whose career has yet to take off the way it deserves to. An Oscar would make sure he never has to make another Invincible. This category, however, is all about Eddie Murphy. It's a comeback story and you know how Hollywood loves those.

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BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Adriana Barraza, Babel
Cate Blanchett, Notes on a Scandal
Abigail Breslin, Little Miss Sunshine
Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls
Rinko Kikuchi, Babel

MY PREFERENCE: Abigail Breslin, Little Miss Sunshine
PREDICTED WINNER: Abigail Breslin, Little Miss Sunshine
WHY: I'm taking into account the Dreamgirls backlash when I predict 10-year-old Breslin will beat frontrunner Jennifer Hudson. We've already seen the Academy snub Dreamgirls in the Best Picture category, and I think that trend will continue when someone other than Jennifer Hudson takes home the Best Supporting Actress statue. The Babel women cancel each other out if you ask me, and Cate Blanchett is not the star performance in Notes on a Scandal. Call me crazy, but I think Abigail Breslin's taking this one home.

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BEST DIRECTOR

Clint Eastwood, Letters From Iwo Jima
Stephen Frears, The Queen
Alejandro González Iñárritu, Babel
Paul Greengrass, United 93
Martin Scorsese, The Departed

MY PREFERENCE: Paul Greengrass, United 93
PREDICTED WINNER: Martin Scorcese, The Departed
WHY: If this isn't Martin Scorcese's year -- which, by most accounts, it is -- it will be Paul Greengrass's. United 93 has garnered so much goodwill from the American public for its straightforward and gutwrenching portrayal of the events of 9/11. He deserves the award for telling a story many people thought they didn't want to hear again, and doing it with painstaking accuracy and utmost respect for the victims. I believe Martin Scorsese will win the award though -- not because The Departed was the best directed film of the year, but because people want to see the guy win.

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BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

Babel
Letters From Iwo Jima
Little Miss Sunshine
Pan's Labyrinth
The Queen

MY PREFERENCE: Pan's Labyrinth
PREDICTED WINNER: Babel
WHY: Pan's Labyrinth is definitely the most imaginative of the nominated movies, but Babel has to take home something. Doesn't it? To its benefit, Babel is another of those movies with separate characters living separate lives that end up bumping up against eachother (like Crash). Oscar voters love that.

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BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
Children of Men
The Departed
Little Children
Notes on a Scandal

MY PREFERENCE: Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
PREDICTED WINNER: Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
WHY: This category is the biggest mystery to me. Borat should win something at the Oscars for being what many believe to be the most funny movie ever made, but I'm not so sure it should be the original screenplay award. After all, the movie's best moments had to have been unscripted (i.e. the naked hotel room fight and the high society dinner party). But I'm taking a leap of faith here and guessing that Borat will win because voters will want to see Sacha Baron Cohen take the Oscar stage.

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This is amazing

2006-11-30T21:55:00.000-08:00

What better way to hawk your PG-rated Christmas movie than to appear SMASHED drunk on The View? Danny Devito is ridiculous in this must-see clip:

The whole thing is out of control, but my favorite part is when Barbara Walters asks him about the time he visited the White House. You'd expect a story about meeting the president or something, but instead he goes, "It's (a) really, really cool place. You know, they built it really well."

Man, is he short or what?!

NEW trailer for Grind House

2006-10-11T16:36:00.000-07:00

Tarantino. Rodriguez. Rose McGowan with a machine gun for a leg.

Really, what more can you ask for when one movie packs that triple-threat punch?

This trailer for Grind House made my day. I hope it makes yours.

People hate Daniel Craig

2006-09-09T10:59:00.000-07:00

If you don't recognize the name, it's because he's one of those actors who's been under the radar doing good work (in films like Munich and Layer Cake) and hasn't yet thrown it all away on some big budget studio movie. Oh wait, he's also playing the next James Bond in the new 007 movie, Casino Royale.

And let me tell ya, people are PISSED. There are websites, like danielcraigisnotbond.com, devoted to making people boycott this movie because of Craig. 007 superfans across the world have united to spread the word that Daniel Craig is, well, not Pierce Brosnan. Check out this sample letter the folks at danielcraigisnotbond.com are urging people to send to the studios:

As a result of our overall unhappiness with your plans for James Bond, a film character we have enjoyed for many years now, I must inform you that we all plan to boycott the new film Casino Royale, and any subsequent Bond films or DVDs featuring the odd-looking, dour Mr. Craig. Furthermore, nothing short of immediately dismissing Mr. Craig would change our minds. We are also urging everyone we know to boycott as well. Most of the people we know share our disappointment with replacing the Pierce Brosnan with Daniel Craig.

I like how Pierce Brosnan gets called "the Pierce Brosnan." Aside from overpraising Brosnan, most of these people complain that Daniel Craig does not look the part. Haters say Bond should be taller, bigger and not blonde. To which I say... Seriously? The Bond movies are about spywork, fast luxury cars, sexy women and explosions. If you're bitching about Craig's looks, I suggest you spend less time urging others to boycott and more time in the kitchen baking someone a flan.

Uh, check out Meesh-ka

2006-08-08T16:44:00.000-07:00

Apparently there is life after The O.C. for Mischa Barton. Check out James Blunt's semi-new video for "Goodbye My Lover," where she's looking all dramatic and making out with the dude from Kyle XY. Looking sexy while rolling around on a bed isn't too much of a stretch for Meesh-ka, but I won't complain if this is all she ever does with her post-O.C. career.

Best horror movie I've seen in years

2006-08-08T12:33:00.000-07:00

Most horror films these days are crap, full of cheap shocks but no real terror or suspense. Studios keep churning out the same movie about a creepy Asian kid or attractive teens getting hacked to death in some dirty red state.

I liked the Saw movies, but like Se7en, those were clever thrillers with elements of horror -- not genuine horror movies. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake and its copy-cats seemed to want to gross out audiences rather than scare them.

So I was reeeeally pumped when I started hearing buzz about a movie called The Descent. The ads were touting it as "the scariest movie of the 21st century," and "the best horror-thriller since ALIEN!" That's some serious praise for a little movie from Europe, but since it had already been released across the pond, I knew that audiences were just as excited about it as critics. It was settled -- I was going to see the movie.

Let me start by saying that, as a 19-year-old male, I'm not usually the type to jump out of seat and scream in a crowded theater. It's just not good for my street cred. I'm not proud to say it, but this was the movie to make do that.

In a nutshell, The Descent is about six female adventure-seekers on a cave-diving trip that goes horribly wrong. The movie starts one year before the cave-diving trip when a horrific event happens to one of the women. What goes down once they're inside the cave, I won't spoil. But it's good.

There is so much mounting fear and suspense throughout the first hour of this film that once the tension breaks, you have no choice but to jump and scream. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself.

Neil Marshall is a director who understands how to make a great horror film. His pacing is deliberate and he knows just how far to stretch the audience's sense of dread before providing them with a jolt.

The six actresses in the main rolls are muscular and athletic enough to be believed as skilled cave-divers and spelunkers. In terms of acting chops, each is believable and never once do you sense that they've been given "characters" or stereotypes to play. You rarely see quality acting in horror movies, but each of the six women in The Descent is solid.

Marshall hits on every inherent human fear to maximum effect, whether it's fear of the dark, confined spaces, heights, or something lurking just beyond eyesight. He spices things up by playing with lighting, such as when scenes are seen through the green night-vision screen of a camcorder, or when bright red flares light up hollow spaces of cave.

Watching The Descent is a full-body, gut-wrenching experience. You'll feel like you're in this cave, claustrophobia and all. There are shocks and scares right off the bat, followed by one of the most expertly crafted movie build-ups I can think of -- because when the shit hits the fan in this film, it HITS THE FAN. The last half hour of The Descent is raw, explosive and mega-satisfying.

The only drawback to name is the ending, which is a bit too abstract for my taste. I googled around and found that the film's ending was changed for U.S. audiences. Having watched both, I wish they would've stuck with the original European-release ending, which is easier to understand. Neither ending, though, is very hopeful -- but that's fine with me because I like my horror films dark and twisted.

Film buffs will notice this movie takes some visual and thematic inspiration from films like Carrie and Silence of the Lambs, as well as some others. I don't see it as stealing so much as paying homage. What Marshall chooses to borrow, he uses well and very effectively.

I'd have never thought a European horror flick would be my favorite film of Summer 2006. But a movie this terrifying and still so good is hard to ignore.

AFTER YOU SEE THE MOVIE, highlight here to find out what part made me jump, scream and almost soil myself: The scene in which the camcorder night-vision feature is being used to see in the dark, and she spots one of THEM right in front of her. Something about not knowing what's two feet away from you in the dark and the uncomfortable closeness of looking through a camcorder just got to me. That's truly the movie's signature scene for me.

Child stars need to chill out

2006-07-22T13:29:00.000-07:00

Dude, what is going on with child stars? The other day, Haley Joel Osment (the kid from The Sixth Sense who is now 18) crashed his 1995 Saturn at 1 a.m. on his way home. The L.A. County Sheriff's Department took blood tests because, yup, they suspect it was an alcohol-related car accident. The results on his blood alcohol content will be known in three weeks. He's okay and everything, so I think it's cool for me to laugh at the fact that he drives a 1995 Saturn. He always seemed so wise, I never expected him to go all drunken and crazy on us. Damn you, Osment -- giving kid actors a bad name!

And if that wasn't enough, how about little Dakota Fanning. You know her from I Am Sam, War of the Worlds, and The Cat in the Hat -- and you know her because she's taken over the Hollywood's Child Prodigy spot from that other driving-impaired kid. It turns out her mother and agent are apparently frustrated by her lack of Oscar nominations after her staggering half decade-long career. To rectify this, her next role is in a movie called Hounddog, which IMDB.com describes as "a drama set in the American South, where a precocious, troubled girl (Fanning) finds a safe haven in the music and movement of Elvis Presley." To the more common folk, Hounddog is being talked about as the movie in which little Dakota Fanning does partial nudity and has an explicit rape scene. Who the (F word) in their right mind thinks a potential Oscar nomination is more important than a 13-year-old girl's mental health? I'm sure Fanning is professional and mature beyond her years, but really... why push the envelope this far? What they're risking is traumatizing a little girl, but I guess to her agent and mother, that coveted Oscar nomination is what matters most. I hope she doesn't get nominated, so her business team and mother will realize stunts like this don't work.

Ask Fanning's agent and she acts like it's no big deal. Look at these quotes she gave reporters and judge for yourself:
- "It's not just the rape scene - the whole story is challenging Dakota as an actress."
- "And I've never been so proud of her in my life. In every scene she gets better and better."

Batman Begins sequel title revealed?

2006-07-11T09:48:00.000-07:00

Michael Caine, who played Alfred the butler in Batman Begins, recently let the title of the next Batman film -- or what he thinks is the title -- slip during an interview with Turner Classic Movies. While talking about director Christopher Nolan, Caine said:

"I wanted to work with him and then Christopher Nolan who directed Batman [Begins] is doing a smaller film called The Prestige about magicians and it's very interesting. And we're going to make The Joker next year."

It's hard to say if that's just a working title or an off-the-cuff nickname for the Batman sequel, but I'm kind of hoping they stick with it. Not including the word 'Batman' in the title of a Batman movie is a bold move, but you can't escape the badass factor it lends the movie. And Nolan's already overhauled the entire Batman landscape -- why not keep taking risks?

I'm all for it. What do you think?

EDIT: New word is that the Batman sequel will be called The Dark Knight.

Lots of people saw Pirates 2

2006-07-09T22:32:00.000-07:00

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest is a big deal.

In its first day of release, it made $55.5 million. That's the biggest opening day ever. And the biggest single day's gross for any movie... ever.

On Saturday, its second day of release, Pirates took in another $44.6 million. That's $100.2 million in just two days. Another one for the record books.

Up to this point, Spider-Man had held the record for largest opening weekend gross with $114.8 million. With Pirates earning over $100 mill in just two days, I'm sure you see where this is going...

On Sunday, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest's opening weekend box office numbers were revealed to be $132 million. That's not just beating Spider-Man, it's stomping on it.

Nobody asked, but my personal opinion on Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest is that it's a lot more flashy and action-packed than the original, but somehow less entertaining. There's a lot of cool stuff going on and a whole lot to look at, but you find yourself watching pretty absent-mindedly and not ever wondering, or caring, about the outcome.

There's a cool stunt sequence with Jack Sparrow, a bamboo stick and lots of fruit. And there's also a pretty cool sea monster called the Kraken -- it's a giant killer squid. Yeah, and the villain Davy Jones has a beard made of tentacles that look like pasta. And every member of his ship's crew is a half-dead, half-human, half-fish creature so that's kind of cool to look at. Also, there's a couple of swordfights on top of large, round moving objects. Oh, and a few sly refences to the first movie.

But all of that doesn't amount to much. It's all there and cool to look at one second, and gone the next. Most of the big stunt sequences are like mini-episodes in themselves that are impressive while happening but ultimately don't mean much. And sure, Johnny Depp and the rest of the cast is still very good, but do we care enough about what they're doing?

It's almost as if a bunch of really cool-sounding scenarios were thought up and then jam-packed into two and half hours of film... and then a story was tacked on. There's just nothing solid holding together all these separate pieces, and it comes off feeling hollow.

I'm still a fan of the franchise and I won't go so far as to say I didn't like Dead Man's Chest. I'm just disappointed because it could've been great. The Pirates of the Caribbean movie franchise is based on a Disney roller coaster ride, which bascially means that producers started with a title, general idea and little else. Curse of the Black Pearl rose above that and felt like a fully realized adventure movie. Watching Dead Man's Chest, on the other hand, you definitely feel like you're watching a theme park ride come to life. Whether that's a good thing depends on your taste.

The smelly truth about Larry King

2006-07-09T21:59:00.000-07:00

So here I am kicking back, about to go to bed, when I see this Gawker item. For those of you too lazy to click -- and I really suggest that you click -- here's the gist of it:

Larry King is allegedly a huge farter. And if you watched the Star Jones interview the other night, you may have heard him let one loose! Yeah, according to the article, he honked on-air near the end of Star's interview.

Also, a source claims to have had a King odor-rocket launched at her at a 1996 charity BBQ in Idaho. Her quote is hilarious: "He leaned left and beefed right... directly on me. I was in high school, didn't know what to do..."

There's another story there about Larry King's handler having to stop filming every 10 to 15 minutes so Larry could detonate steam bombs. There's even more there about a fan hidden under Larry's desk that directs his fart-stank away from guests.

Yeah, I know this is not earth-shattering news. But farts are funny, so there you go.

Lost vs. Best Drama Nominees

2006-07-07T22:45:00.000-07:00

The powers that be over at Emmy central decided on a new voting process for the 2006 show. In a nutshell, the goal of the new voting process was to give lesser-known actors and TV shows a better shot at snagging a nomination. The details of all that are very murky to me. What is clear, though, is that Lost is missing from the best dramatic series category. And that is bullshit.

Here's a side-by-side look at Lost and the nominated shows:

Grey's Anatomy -- I admit, this show's Superbowl gimmick sucked me in. I watched the "code black" episode and I found myself oddly entertained by the prospect of seeing someone explode onscreen. BUT, had I known that said Superbowl episode would catapult this show into uber-popularity and help the show elbow its way into the Best Drama category come Emmy time, I would not have watched. In fact, I'd probably have run around turning off people's TV sets before the SuperBowl post-show even started. Grey's Anatomy is not a bad show. In fact, it shows potential for greatness with its diverse cast and plots that take time to develop. But when Lost, one of the smartest and most genuinely original shows on TV, gets snubbed for what is (so far) just a good hospital soap, I get upset.

House -- Emmy voters got this one wrong. The best thing about House is Hugh Laurie, the show's hugely convincing a-hole doctor. He (and not the show) should have been nominated for an award. What's interesting is that Laurie wasn't nominated in the best actor category. So what's House doing taking Lost's spot in the top 5? How strange.

The Sopranos -- I'm not one of those people frustrated with The Sopranos this season. Yes, it's been more cerebral and less violent. Hell, Tony even spent two entire episodes in a coma. But I've never been bored with this show. In all sorts of different ways, large and small, Sunday nights with The Sopranos are always entertaining. This one deserves its nomination.

24 -- 24 has just come off its most thrilling season. It kicked off with two pivotal characters -- one wildly popular one, at that -- getting killed, and ended with a bloodied Jack held captive on a slow boat to China. All the CTU business, edge-of-your-seat fieldwork and the Logans made this a standout season for the show. And another deserving nominee. Yet, I still don't think 24 brings nearly as much to the table as Lost does. And I'm a crazy fan of both.

The West Wing -- I'm not a Grey's Anatomy supporter, but with the year it just had, I admit it was probably impossible to ignore come Emmy time. The Sopranos and 24, I support. House was a mix-up, but at least one that I can rationalize. A West Wing nomination over Lost, however, I cannot rationalize. The West Wing outstayed its welcome and suffered fledgling ratings until its last episode. The show even recently resorted to a live (fake) presidential debate as a ratings gimmick. I know this was The West Wing's final season and it's nice to invite them to the party one last time... but even the weakest episode of Lost's second season was better than anything on The West Wing. This show just doesn't deserve to be in the best drama category anymore, and nominating it out of sentimentality and not merit is pretty lame.

Sure, this might have all sounded like one long, wordy whine over a personal favorite being snubbed by an award show. And it was, but there's something fishy going on when a critically acclaimed show that improved, expanded and blew its viewers minds in its second season gets completely left off the best drama nominees list -- THE VERY CATEGORY FOR WHICH IT WON THE AWARD LAST YEAR.

Get your heads out of your asses next year, Emmy voters. For now, deal with Hurley (below). He looks pissed.

Nobody's Watching

2006-06-23T01:04:00.000-07:00

What do you get when you pair the creative minds behind Scrubs and Family Guy? If you think it’s worth finding out (and it is), check out Nobody’s Watching, a sitcom with a really fitting title (it never aired on TV). The networks’ decisions to pass on the TV show should have been the end, but the first episode recently surfaced on YouTube and now has itself a pretty solid fan-base.

Check out the first 10 minutes below and click here to see parts 2 and 3 of the funny first episode. It’s got a unique concept, plus you’ll feel all indie and underground for seeing it here first. I’m assuming that if enough people check it out on YouTube and like it, it might make it onto actual TV screens. Yes, the first episode is rough around the edges but with the guys from Scrubs and Family Guy in charge, I think this one’s got major potential.

I like the made-you-look scene on the fake Friends set. Let me know what you think.

Odds and Ends

2006-06-14T16:16:00.000-07:00

I've been gone for a bit -- again, I know -- but I blame summer, laziness and the new season of Entourage for that. So it's really not my fault. But to make up for lost time, here are a few pop culture odds and ends I've thrown together. Dig in and leave comments.

- Rob Zombie, director of House of 1,000 Corpses and The Devil's Rejects, is set to direct the next Michael Myers movie in the Halloween franchise. Zombie promises his version will ditch the flashy, blockbuster vibe of the previous versions and move the series into more gritty, raw and disturbing territory. So far, Zombie has revealed that he plans to keep the original music we're all familiar with and return to the original mask (the later movies tweaked the mask and lots of fans complained). "I am basically making a prequel and a semi-remake of the first film all in one," Zombie said. I like the sound of that.

- Oh yeah, Paris Hilton sings now! This is good news only because she'll release music videos. And having seen her in countless magazines, entertainment news shows and a sex tape, I'm curious to see what she'll be doing in a music video where she has creative control of how she's presented and how she acts. Check out her first video and judge for yourself:

For all the rolling around and grinding she's doing, I have to say it's much more low-key and tame than I expected. That's probably a smart move if she wants to be "taken seriously" but here's hoping there's a bit more raunch and stupidity in the next video.

- Justin Timberlake is prepping to release a new album in September called FutureSex/LoveSounds. The first single, SexyBack, will hit radio airwaves on July 7. The slash in the CD title makes me think this might be a double-CD like OutKast's 2003 release, Speakerboxxx/The Love Below, though I'm not sure. What is for sure is that Timberlake has said a big f*ck you to the space-bar with those compound-word titles. Aside from just sounding cool, I assume they are supposed to make us think Look at this guy completely ignoring the rules of grammar. What a badass! Let's buy his CD. Hey, who are we to judge? You know it will work.

- The bafflingly sexy Heidi Klum is once again pregnant with Seal's baby. To jog your memory, he sang the theme song from Batman Forever (and lots of other songs not worth mentioning because they were not the theme song from Batman Forever). Also, is it just me or were people in Hollywood not having babies two years ago? Cuz seriously, what's with all the babies?

- According to Rotten Tomatoes, Superman Returns has received only one negative review to date. Most critics are praising the film, calling it "retro" and "a throwback." Fan reaction is something else completely, so it will be interesting to see if they are as impressed. Sometimes, though, when a movie amasses so much positive buzz from critics, I can't help but wonder if the director played it too safe. Personally, I'd rather hear that some people loved it while others hated it.

It's worth noting that the negative review by Movie City News says Superman Returns is "terribly cast, poorly conceived, extremely light on action, features a romance that is not remotely romantic, [and] doesn't feature a single memorable, 'gosh, that was great' repeat-to-your-friends moment." Fightin' words, but again, that's the opinion of one man (who no one seems to agree with). I still can't wait to decide for myself on June 28.

- Family Guy's 100th episode is titled "Stewie Kills Lois." I could not be happier about this show reaching its 100th episode, but I've got to say I'm having mixed feelings about whether I want Lois gone. She's Stewie's ultimate nemesis -- the thorn in his side that keeps him so evil. I expect the writers will find a way around Stewie actually killing her, or they'll somehow resuscitate her if he actually does. Either way, how can this not be hilarious? The episode will air next fall.

- America's Got Talent sucks. I wanted to put this out there before you waste any time on this crapfest. I, like many others, sat down thinking Well, it looks funny and more exciting than other contest-style reality shows. And they've got Regis hosting, so it should be at least as good as Who Wants to be a Millionaire? Turns out it's not funny or exciting. Regis must owe someone money. And no, this show ranks no where near Millionaire. If these aren't enough reasons for you to not watch, then consider this: The judges include a smarmy British guy, Brandy and...

Seriously, Oprah?

2006-05-24T14:59:00.000-07:00

On May 24, Oprah aired an episode of her show documenting her visit to an Auschwitz concentration camp with a Holocaust survivor. So far, so good -- Nazi camps were vile, but there's no rule against covering them. But, what's not so good is the way Oprah advertised the episode.

Above, you'll see a billboard featuring Oprah's face... with a huge smile on it. Next to her giant, smiling face is the headline: "Oprah Goes To Auschwitz."

I point this out because I don't know whether to laugh at or be offended by this. I don't think I have to spell out just how messed up I find the juxtaposition of Oprah's beaming smile and a headline about Nazi death camps. If someone driving past only gave the billboard a quick glance, he or she might expect the headline next to Oprah's giant smile to read "John Travolta Teaches Oprah to Fly" or "Oprah Gives Audience the State of Rhode Island... As A Gift," but nope, that's not the case this time -- she's smiling about Auschwitz. Of course, I don't mean to imply that Oprah finds the Holocaust amusing. But whoever's in charge of that billboard sure has some poor judgment. Because, man is that a bad advertisement!

So, what do you think? Is this billboard (A) horribly inappropriate, (B) hilarious, (C) neither or (D) both A and B?

I'm thinking (D).

Superman gets shot... IN THE EYE

2006-05-24T10:12:00.000-07:00

Funny how there's a superhero out there named Captain America, yet it's Superman we treat like American pop culture royalty. In honor of the June 30 release of Superman Returns, here's a shot-for-shot breakdown of SUPERMAN GETTING SHOT POINT-BLANK IN THE EYE from the latest theatrical trailer.

It all starts with an unflinching Superman staring down the barrel of one obviously misinformed street hustler's gun. And then, with a slow-motion orange flash and bang, the bullet explodes out of the gun and moves (still in slo-mo) toward Superman's face. Number of times Superman has blinked so far: 0

It's perfectly okay to be alarmed by this second screencap of THE BULLET HITTING SUPERMAN IN THE EYEBALL. This happens after a few more excruciating seconds of Matrix-style bullet-traveling. If you look closely, though, you can see that the bullet isn't impacting his eye. It's actually crushing into itself because it can't penetrate the surface of Superman's cornea. It's almost as if the bullet just hit... steel. Get it? Get it?

Here, you see the mangled bullet (that black and grey speck in the center) moving in slow motion on its post-ricochet path to the floor. So, to refresh: Shoulda burst through his eyeball and exploded in his cranium, but bounced off his cornea instead. Number of times Superman has blinked so far: 0

This last frame shows an angry and shadow-covered Superman immediately after the bullet has failed to (1) kill him or (2) make him flinch. What the bullet has done, apparently, is made Superman pretty angry. Though the trailer doesn't show how this scene ends, I do suspect a significant ass-kicking occurs.

Total number of times Superman blinks: 0

After years of telling us he's the "man of steel," I think this clip of a bullet bouncing off his eyeball like it's, uh, steel finally gets that point across. Here's hoping the rest of the movie is as good as these 15 seconds were.

BTS's newest candidate for worst year ever...

2006-05-22T22:26:00.000-07:00

It's been a while, so let's just get right to it with an open letter to a certain baby-challenged celebrity.

B,

Why you gotta make it so easy? Why couldn't you strap Sean P. into his carseat instead of holding him in your lap while driving? Why'd you have to leave your convertible top down and expose yourself to photographers when the baby was falling out of his carseat, which was facing forward instead of backward (I guess that's only a strong suggestion by safety experts, so I'll let you off the hook here), and -- most recently -- why'd you have to be wearing wobbly shoes and almost drop the baby in front of paparazzi?

I guess there is no answer, is there? But I think I know what you're going through. We've all had those streaks of bad luck that seem to never let up. You, it seems, are having a bad couple of years... but no worries. As they say, this too shall pass. And when it's all over, you'll have matured and learned valuable life lessons.

I'm kidding. You'll still be married to a money-hungry bum whose sole claim to fame is that he bamboozled you into paying for all his expenses and having his two latest kids.

We say this cuz we care, B. You were once so very hot and tantalizing. And now you're quite literally a bumbling, baby-fumbling mess.

You should work on that.

Sincerely,

The Staff Here at BTS

On TV: It's season finale season

2006-05-02T09:46:00.000-07:00

Here's a list of season finale dates to all your favorite TV shows. Now go ahead and plan your May's accordingly.

May 2: Thief
May 3: One Tree Hill
May 4: Superrnatural
May 5: Ghost Whisperer
May 7: Crossing Jordan
May 8: 7th Heaven, What About Brian
May 9: Gilmore Girls, Veronica Mars
May 10: The Bedford Diaries, Criminal Minds
May 11: Commander in Chief, My Name is Earl, The OC, The Office, Smallville
May 12: Las Vegas
May 14: Law & Order: Criminal Intent, Malcolm in the Middle, The Simpsons, Survivor, The West Wing
May 15: Grey's Anatomy, How I Met Your Mother, Medium, Prison Break
May 16: Boston Legal, Law & Order: SVU, NCIS, Scrubs
May 17: Bones, CSI: NY, Invasion
May 18: CSI, ER, That 70s Show, Will & Grace, Without a Trace
May 19: Close to Home, Conviction, Numb3rs
May 21: Charmed, Desperate Housewives
May 22: 24, Alias, CSI: Miami, The Apprentice, Two and a Half Men
May 23: House
May 24: The Amazing Race, Top Model, American Idol, Law & Order, Lost

Summer Movie Guide 2006

2006-04-22T13:25:00.000-07:00

If we can count on anything during the summer months, it’s the movies. Every year from May to August, Hollywood churns out a slew of high-budget blockbusters that audiences eat up. In honor of this summer’s releases, BTS has prepared a top ten list of must-sees.

10. The Break Up
Release Date: June 2
What's it about? Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn star in a movie that begins where most romantic comedies end: the "happily ever after." The lovin' good times have run their course, however, and, as the title tells ya, the two break up. That leaves Brooke (Aniston) and Gary (Vaughn) on bad terms but, for some reason, still living together. Hijinks ensue.
Why see it? Because Vaughn and Aniston have flawless track records when it comes to comedy. We love 'em both and it's hard to think of two more likeable actors around these days.
But then again… Laying low has not prevented these two from being ALL OVER THE PLACE these past couple of months. Even if it's against their will, overexposure might not help their chances at the box office.
How will it fair? Surprisingly, this is one of few romantic comedies this summer. That alone should ensure a pretty respectable box-office showing.

9. Cars
Release Date: June 9
What's it about? An animated film by the people who brought us Finding Nemo and Toy Story, Cars tells the story of a hotshot race car (Owen Wilson), who is all about being the first to cross the finish line. With the help of his friends (Bonnie Hunt and Paul Newman), he learns to not be so high-strung and just -- get this -- enjoy the ride.
Why see it? Because love 'em or hate 'em, these movies are so ridiculously well-made. If you can believe it, advances in animation technology have been made since Nemo and cars promises to be visually awesome.
But then again… Fish and toys are easy to relate to, but I'm not so sure about cars. After all, it didn't work out too well for Herbie.
How will it fair? It won't be Nemo-huge, but the younger crowds (and their families) will make this a hit.

8. Poseidon
Release Date: May 12
What's it about? Kurt Russell, Josh Lucas and Emmy Rossum star in this Titanic-like epic movie about a cruise ship that capsizes. This time around, however, it's a mammoth wall of water (read: big wave) that flips the gigantic ship. Most aboard die instantly but a few hundred passengers in the main ballroom survive and work to escape the ship alive.
Why see it? Poseidon gives us all the exciting action-adventure aspects of Titanic, but being fiction, it's bound to be more outrageous. Of course, you can expect on-board romances between the film's young, good-looking stars. And lots and lots of special effects.
But then again... This might just be another big-budget special effects spectacle with no plot. If we don't care about these characters, we're unlikely to care if they make it out alive.
How will it fair? Audiences do love romance, action and adventure jam-packed into one film, so there's potential here for huge box-office success. But I have a feeling this one might suffer from a classic case of Been There Done That (BTDT). It'll do "just okay."

7. Miami Vice
Release Date: July 28
What's it about? The movie -- a highly stylized, "cooler" version of the TV show -- features Jamie Foxx and Colin Farrell and buddy cops taking on the Florida drug scene.
Why see it? Expect hot locations, hot women, and lots of well-filmed action sequences. Foxx and Farrell shouldn't disappoint, either. Director Michael Mann is famous for making this type of movie and making them well. And Mann actually helped create the TV show on which the film is based, so he knows the territory.
But then again... Are we burnt out on Jamie Foxx? And is a 1980s TV show good source material for a 2006 film?
How will it fair? Miami Vice's expected R-rating will put a dent in the number of viewers it rakes in.

6. X-Men: The Last Stand
Release Date: May 26
What's it about? More crazy business for the mutants we all know and love. A cure for "mutancy" is found and mutants are divided over whether to give in to "the man" or fight for their uniqueness and independence. Xavier, the bald-headed leader of the X-men, is all about tolerance, while Magneto, the survival of the fittest-lovin' bad guy, is all about, well, survival of the fittest. Halle Berry and all the regulars are back for this "last stand," which, contrary to what the title suggests, is not to be the last X-Men movie.
Why see it? Because you saw the first two, and this is said to have more "epic" story.
But then again... There's a new director! Bryan Singer moved on to bigger, better (?) things: Superman Returns. The new director, Brett Ratner, is best known for directing the Rush Hour movies. Is the director of such Jackie Chan/Chris Tucker nonsense really equipped to direct an X-Men film?
How will it fair? This film has a built-in audience. The masses will flock to this one.

5. Snakes on a Plane
Release Date: August 18
What's it about? Samuel L. Jackson stars as a bad ass motherfucker on a plane with -- yep, you guessed it! -- 400 snakes. The snakes were snuck onboard by some angry mobsters looking to kill a government witness. The studio recently held reshoots to move the film from a solid PG-13 rating to a definite R. That means more boobs and more gore.
Why see it? Because you'd be able to tell your loved ones and strangers that you've seen the best-titled movie in film history. And because Samuel L. Jackson is rumored to say, "I want these motherfucking snakes off the motherfucking plane!"
But then again... You'd be able to tell your loved ones and strangers that you've seen the best-titled movie in film history. And because Samuel L. Jackson is rumored to say, "I want these motherfucking snakes off the motherfucking plane!"
How will it fair? This film already has itself an internet fan base, and I think movie-goers will find the straight forward title and premise refreshing. And Sam Jackson's in it!

4. Superman Returns
Release Date: June 30
What's it about? Superman returns to Earth after a long, mysterious trip to the planet Krypton. Lois, the love of his life, has moved on and gotten married. Lex Luthor, Superman's arch-nemesis, is back and ready to finish him off for good. Standard superhero business.
Why see it? Because, in a way, it seems like a very American thing to do this summer. It doesn't hurt that the bad-guy side has two of the great working actors on its team (Kevin Spacey and Parker Posey). Also, Superman Returns was directed by the director of the first two X-Men movies, who seems to know what he's doing in this genre.
But then again... Superman is played by an unknown actor named Brandon Routh. Superman is an American icon. You've got to wonder whether this newbie can pull it off.
How will it fair? As far as superheroes go, this is as big as it gets. And on the eve of Independence Day, American audiences will eat this movie right up. Expect it to take in bigger numbers than, say, Batman Begins did last summer.

3. Mission: Impossible III
Release Date: May 5
What's it about? Ethan Hunt (Cruise) tries to save his girlfriend and the world from a dangerous arms dealer (Philip Seymour Hoffman). Lots of secret agent business and popcorn violence ensue.
Why see it? Because the Mission: Impossible franchise has yet to disappoint viewers. The first two movies were solid action flicks with lots of style and gadgetry to ogle at. And this time, J.J. Abrams (the creator of Lost!) is in charge as writer and director. And Philip Seymour Hoffman is playing the villain. How can this not be excellent? But then again... We see the Cruise on TV and in the rag magazines every single day. The whole Tom/Katie spectacle has reached its boiling point with the arrival of their newborn. How much Cruise is too much Cruise?
How will it fair? Cruise's recent shenanigans will hurt this film's box-office draw, but not by much. This will still be one of the summer's biggest movies.

2. The Da Vinci Code
Release Date: May 19
What's it about? Harvard symbologist, Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks), gets called to investigate a mysterious symbol left next to the murdered body of a Louvre curator. After he and his French sidekick start finding clues in Da Vinci's paintings and his French sidekick, they realize they've stumbled upon a huge discovery. Car chases, conspiracies and weird religious stuff ensues.
Why see it? Because a movie based on a book that's been at the top of the best sellers' list for this long cannot be bad. And because this is the type of meaty role Tom Hanks is awesome in.
But then again... What's with Hanks's hair? And can the movie possibly live up the buzz it has amounted?
How will it fair? This will be one of the top two movies of the summer.

1. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Release Date: July 7
What's it about? Johnny Depp and friends are back for part two, in which Jack has an unpaid debt to sea-ghost, Davy Jones. That unpaid debt, it turns out, is his soul. OoOoOh.
Why see it? After the unexpected and huge success of the first film, this one promises to be bigger and better. And judging from the trailer, Dead Man's Chest looks a whole lot scarier (yes!) than the original.
But then again... Will Depp's once wildly original Jack Sparrow character seem like old news a second time around?
How will it fair? It's hard to say whether Dead Man's Chest will outsell the The Da Vinci Code, but since I'd like it to, I'm predicting this will be the highest-grossing movie of the summer.

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Honorable mention goes to the following films:

Click
Who's in it? Adam Sandler, Kate Beckinsale and Christopher Walken
Plot? Sandler plays a family man who gets his hands on magical remote-control, which allows him to fast-forward, pause and rewind his life -- sort of like TiVo for the real world.
Bottom line: The actors involved are pretty high-quality (Christopher Walken for president!) but if you've seen the preview, there's barely any question left as to how the movie will play out. Still, this should be solid fun for families and younger crowds.

The Devil Wears Prada
Who's in it? Anne Hathaway, Meryl Streep and Entourage's Adrian Grenier
Plot? A young go-getter nabs herself a job working for one of New York City's premier magazine editors. Oh, and that magazine editor's a huge bitch.
Bottom line: Based on a best-selling book, this movie should already have itself a long list of fans. Other than that, though, this one probably isn't for everyone.

The Omen
Who's in it? Liev Schreiber, Julia Stiles and Mia Farrow
Plot? Another horror remake, this one focuses on a little boy who, his parents realize, might be the devil incarnate.
Bottom line: You can't say this movie hasn't been cleverly marketed. It's a movie about the devil being released on 6.6.06, and the previews for the film include life-like images of hurricanes and tsunamis -- omens that evil is on its way to Earth. But, like all horror, this movie won't do anything more than modest box-office business.

So there you have it: your movie guide for Summer 2006. Let me know what you'll be seeing (and what you'll be skipping). And, of course, if I've left something out, don't hesitate to tell me. Happy summer movie season!

Prediction: Suri Cruise joins cast of the Surreal Life in 2027

2006-04-22T11:16:00.000-07:00

Just kidding. I'm not really a Cruise-hater, but it's fun to jump on the bandwagon once in a while. And "Suri" sounds like "surreal," which reminds me of VH1's The Surreal Life. So you see where I was going with that.

Feel free to leave your thoughts on the name "Suri."

You should know...

2006-04-10T20:27:00.000-07:00

...that Gwyneth Paltrow and Coldplay's Chris Martin have named their newborn son MOSES.

So, for the record, that's Moses and Apple.

Just thought you should know.

MAXIMum exposure

2006-04-06T12:56:00.000-07:00

In honor of MAXIM Magazine's 100th issue, they've super-duper-sized their Eva Longoria cover and sprawled it across a Las Vegas Desert. It's so large that satelites in space can see it. I'm serious.

Check out the car at the bottom of the photo used for scale and the headline that reads, "THE ONLY MAGAZINE BIG ENOUGH TO BE SEEN FROM SPACE -- AND ONLY IN VEGAS!"

Yes, this P.R. stunt was a huge waste of money, time and effort, but I find it kind of brilliant. What do you think? Pointless and weird? Innovative and clever? Weigh in!

5 shows you should be watching

2006-04-03T00:51:00.000-07:00

Some say they don't have time to watch TV, but that's bullshit. Everyone has time to watch TV. But for efficiency's sake, I've compiled a list of 5 TV shows that are worth your time:

1. Prison Break, Mondays at 7 p.m. on FOX: It's doing well ratings-wise, but only a handful of people I talk to are watching. The story is simple, but mysterious and captivating enough. A man is wrongfully accused of killing the vice president's brother. The wrongfully accused man's brother gets himself sent to prison, in order to clear his brother's name or break out (hence, the show's name). It's gritty, fast, suspenseful and not too highbrow.

2. Sons and Daughters, Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on ABC: This show tells the story of an ordinary man and every member of his ordinary family. The catch here is that there's no laugh-track (no fake audience laughing at all the right times) and a lot of quieter, more human moments. But the characters are as funny as anything on TV right now. Take the 2-year-old little girl who tells her dad, "We're going to hell because we're Jews." When he freaks out at her about it, we find out that "Grandma told me!" These are characters you care about first and laugh with second. Funny, feel-good TV. (And yes, that's a Hitler-stache painted on the crazy aunt in the photo.)

3. LOST, Wednesdays at 8 p.m. on ABC: Yes, I've already stood on my soapbox and praised this show. And yes, it has one of the highest viewerships in the nation. But it's worth telling people that no, it's not too late to get into this show. If it seems like it's "just not your kind of thing," believe me, it wasn't mine either. I'm not a fan of castaway stories, necessarily. I'm not a sci-fi or comic-book fan. I'm just a lover of good TV - and this is it. I dare you to watch an episode and not get hooked.

4. South Park, Wednesdays at 9 p.m. on Comedy Central: Sure The Simpsons is the gold standard in primetime TV cartoon-comedies. And Family Guy is the way to go for easy, in-your-face fun. But South Park is still bringing the funny every week. Take this season's premiere, in which Scientology gets lampooned in a hilariously creative way: They more or less liken the religion to a group of explorers who travel the world having sex with children. This show's been on for 10-or-so years now, but it hasn't lost its edge. Tune in.

5. Scrubs, Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on NBC: This show is in the midst of its best and, as Zach Braff puts it, most "stoner-friendly" season yet. The main characters are real and relatable, but the comedy is as random as it gets. The surreal daydream sequences and off-beat comedy on this show are unlike any other live-action comedy on TV. If you like the way Family Guy goes off on random tangents for almost no reason every couple minutes, you'll like Scrubs.

Of course, there are many more TV shows worth viewing, but five stellar picks will do for now. And I should probably note that Sons and Daughters and Scrubs are on at the same time. So, with that in mind, you should all go out and buy yourselves TiVo (or any other brand of DVR). You won't be disappointed because it is the greatest invention of our lifetime. And this coming from someone who really likes his George Foreman Grill.

Who wouldn't want this in their living room?

2006-03-29T23:58:00.000-08:00

I assume many of you have already seen this, but if not, brace yourselves. It's a sculpture some artist made commemorating the birth of Britney Spears's first child, Sean Preston. (Thanks to B-Go for reminding me this is most definitely pop culture news.)

In terms of historical significance, this ranks somewhere between the moon landing and the third season premiere of The Simple Life (I'll let you guys decide where) so we here at BTS are glad to share it. Feast your eyes (photo from Defamer):

You know, I can't find a rear view of the statue but - rest assured - she is anatomically correct. Apparently, the Spears scultpure depicts Sean Preston's head crowning - that is, poking out of her [!@#$%].

You heard me. It's important to note that (1) Spears delivered her son via C-section and not in the manner depicted, (2) no one gives birth kneeling doggy-style and (3) she's crouching on a bear-skin rug (WTF). The statue's entitled "Monument To Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston."

[!@#$%] . . . Enjoy your lunch!

VMAs are heading home

2006-03-22T13:34:00.000-08:00

The higher-ups at MTV have finally decided to stop experimenting with exotic locations for the Video Music Awards. EW.com just announced that the 2006 VMAs will be held in good ol' New York City. I'm 100% behind the decision to go back to NYC for, let's say, three reasons:

1. Remember Diddy hosting last year's show in Miami? Oh, you don't? Weird.

2. Remember 2004's host-less show also held in Miami? No? Really? Wow.

3. Remember the last time the show was held in NYC, when Madonna and Britney made out? Exactly.

Welcome home, VMAs!

Please excuse my blatantly pointless usage of the above photo.

R for Restricted... and they mean it

2006-03-20T14:07:00.000-08:00

Saturday night was brother-sister bonding night for Laura, my 21-year-old sister who lives in Macomb, and me. Ever the manipulative brother, I only made it seem like she had a choice of movie we might see. I was actually hell-bent on seeing V for Vendetta, and I knew I'd get my way. So after a solid dinner at Woodfield Mall's very own Rainforest Cafe, we headed over to the local Loew's to catch our 10:30 showing of V.

I was aware the movie was rated R, but I've never had to jump through so many hoops to get into a damn theater! After waiting in a line that rivaled amusement park lines, we finally got to the box-office cashier who demanded IDs from us. We saw this as standard for popular R-rated releases, especially on their opening weekends. But then, we took maybe fifteen steps to the right where another theater crony was waiting to check not only our ticket stubs but our IDs once again. This was pushing it, but what can you do? So we obliged.

After waiting literally ten minutes for Laura to talk on the phone and order a bucket of popcorn, we were finally set to take our seats in the theater. But wait! There was another theater usher guarding the door who - you guessed it! - asked us for IDs and ticket stubs. To say the least, this really worked to build up my excitement for this movie. Could it really be that violent or sexually explicit, etc.?

Side note: While it was slightly annoying, I wasn't really that pissed off that I was being carded. In actuality, I enjoy acting like I'm underage and sneaking in. And like I don't have my license... and then BAM! I whip it out and prove I'm over seventeen, contrary to what my 14-year-old-looking face might suggest. The ushers then withdraw to their dark corners, defeated. It's a killer way to spend a few idle moments. If you're often carded places, I suggest you try this fake-out.

Anyway, I'm won't go into specifics about the movie, but I will say that I really liked it. It's a smart movie the intellectual crowds can enjoy and discuss for hours on end. But, for the brain-dead, it's just as effective because the fight scenes and destructive violence are amazing. It's definitely got a Wachowski Brothers (Matrix) feel to it.

By the way, the movie had trailers for Mission:Impossible III, Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest, and Poseidon attached to it. Other movies too, but these stand out because I predict they will be awesome. Most excited for Pirates, but M:I III is a close second. And while I'd read about Poseidon before, I never found it too compelling until I saw the preview for it Saturday night. Looks killer.

Anyone seen V yet? Which summer blockbuster can you not wait for?

Hey, why all the reruns?

2006-03-15T14:22:00.000-08:00

It's happened to you. You get into comfortable clothes, kick back in your favorite chair and flip to your favorite station only to be smacked with a nasty surprise. The TV show you expected to watch is a rerun. Or worse, it's some celebrity wedding special.

I'd always wondered why my favorite shows had to air reruns during the regular season instead of just giving us a new episode each week. For instance, The O.C. leaves the airwaves for an entire month at least once each season. Other hits like Desperate Housewives do the same. The only shows I can think of that don't go off the air for questionable amounts of time at random points during the TV season are American Idol and 24.

I recently found out why.

Lost executive producer Carlton Cuse tells EW.com, "We wish we could run the show in one continuous block. Unfortunately, we can't physically produce more than the 24 hours of the show we produce each season. Those 24 episodes have to spead across the entire 35-week TV season. The network needs originals at key times, like premiere week and during the three sweeps periods."

He also added that in the case of Lost, it is "too valuable to the overall ratings picture of the network to run it out in one block. Therefore, massive repeats."

And as for why American Idol and 24 don't go fall into this category, it's because they start their seasons in January. Since they start so late in the TV season, they can crank out their episodes week after week.

So next time you're greeted with a rerun (or that dreaded celebrity wedding special), know that the producers behind your favorite show are as peeved with the situation as you are. They want to bring you new episodes as often as possible, but alas, ratings and marketing strategies are king.

Virgin tells Janet to lose her love handles

2006-03-14T09:42:00.000-08:00

Janet Jackson has been asked, no, ordered, by her record label to lose weight. Her weight has ballooned in the last six months and Virgin Records won't release her new album until she ditches the extra pounds. Sources say the record label is giving her until September to do it.

The New York Post had this information from an insider:

"This new album is supposed to be pretty good, but Virgin feels it can't market it without Janet being back in fighting form, so they have hired a personal trainer for her and put her on a diet. She has to lose at least 20 pounds."

The weight-gain followed her infamous Superbowl scandal, the flop of her album Damita Jo and, of course, her brother's second child molestation trial. Hey, we've all gone through these things. That's no excuse to shovel down food, Janet.

But it's not all negative. Janet's friend came to her defense:

"Janet always gains weight when she's not working - and always loses it in time to promote her albums. Janet always takes care of it when it matters."

Goodbye to Chef's chocolate, salty balls

2006-03-13T23:17:00.000-08:00

Isaac Hayes won't be voicing Chef on South Park any longer. He is in the process of terminating his contract with the program because, as a Scientologist, he is morally against the show's religious blasphemy.

Hayes has played a key role on the show since its inception but it is assumed that a recent episode entitled "Trapped in the Closet" really set him off.

The episode poked fun at Scientology's history, practices and famous practitioners. It highlighted the ostensible absurdity of Scientologists' belief in Xenu (an alien life-force that lived millions of years ago) and the way the Church of Scientology makes its members pay money to move up the ranks. Also lampooned were Tom Cruise and John Travolta for, well, being celebrities who practice Scientology. So yes, South Park did make the religion out to look completely ridiculous.

Hayes issued a statement on why he's trying to part with the show:

"There is a place in this world for satire, but there is a time when satire ends and intolerance and bigotry towards religious beliefs of others begins. Religious beliefs are sacred to people, and at all times should be respected and honored. As a civil rights activist of the past 40 years, I cannot support a show that disrespects those beliefs and practices."

Honorable words, I guess, but hasn't South Park been making fun of all types of religions since its beginning in 1997. Matt Stone and Trey Parker said they wish him well and will release him from his contract. Stone had this to say:

"In 10 years and over 150 episodes of South Park, Isaac never had a problem with the show making fun of Christians, Muslims, Mormons and Jews. He got a sudden case of religious sensitivity when it was his religion featured on the show. To bring the civil rights struggle into this is just a non-sequitur."

My opinion is that if it works for you, it works for you. That said, Scientologists subscribe to some extremely unique beliefs and should expect this the way Pamela Anderson expects boob jokes. The way Jennifer Lopez expects ginormous-ass jokes. And the way Paris Hilton expects STD jokes.

But that's life. We'll miss ya, Chef!

Where the Wild Things Are: The Movie

2006-03-06T14:18:00.000-08:00

People my age remember Where the Wild Things Are, a children's book written and illustrated by Maurice Sendak. It tells the story of Max, a young boy with an active imagination. After getting sent to bed early for acting up, he imagines a forest growing in his room. The book's vivid illustrations of Max, who wears a wolf suit, and of the monsters he runs into in his forest-bedroom are pretty unforgettable.

Fans of the book may or may not share my enthusiasm about a Hollywood interpretation of it, but I see good reason to get excited. This book sprang to life in kids' minds with its weird drawings and funny little hero; it definitely has the potential to do so again on the big screen. And the people involved with the movie are top-notch.

The director of the film is Spike Jonze, who directed Being John Malkovich. You probably know him as the guy who directed Fat Boy Slim's "Praise You" video back in 1999. That video included a group of people dancing wildly with red reflector lights attached to their black sweatpants and sweatshirts. Needless to say, he's a interesting person with a quirky vision, so he's probably a fitting choice to make Where the Wild Things Are.

Set to star is Catherine Keener, who will play Max's mom. You know her as the one who finally deflowers Steve Carell's character in The 40-Year-Old Virgin or as Harper Lee in Capote.

The movie will be live-action (not animated) and is rumored to be darker and a bit more adult than the children's book was. Does that mean scarier?

I'll keep you posted.

Ready for the ultimate iPod?

2006-03-06T12:09:00.000-08:00

I'd file this under pop culture news:

Apple is preparing to release a brand new iPod that is basically one huge screen (and by huge, I mean 3.5'' wide). The circular touch pad we are all familiar with will now be part of the touch screen. The last iPods released by Apple had video capacities and this new version presumably allows for larger, improved visuals. Apple hasn't publicized any information on when they are releasing this sleek new iPod, but people are guessing late March or April.

Check out this article by Think Secret for more information.

And check out these pics of the new iPod:

As predicted, the Oscar winners are...

2006-03-05T21:00:00.000-08:00

BEST PICTURE: Crash (upsetting Brokeback, the frontrunner)
BEST ACTOR: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote
BEST ACTRESS: Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: George Clooney, Syriana
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Rachel Weisz, The Constant Gardener
BEST DIRECTOR: Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain
BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: Paul Haggis & Bobby Moresco, Crash
BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: Larry McMurtry & Diana Ossana, Brokeback Mountain

I hate to gloat but I did predict every winner (scroll down for proof), even Crash's upset in the Best Picture category. The winners in other, less popular categories are listed below:

CINEMATOGRAPHY: Memoirs of a Geisha
VISUAL EFFECTS: King Kong
ANIMATED FEATURE: Wallace & Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit
SHORT FILM (LIVE ACTION): Six Shooter
SHORT FILM (ANIMATED): The Moon and the Son: An Imagined Conversation
COSTUME DESIGN: Memoirs of a Geisha
MAKE-UP: The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT: A Note of Triumph: The Golden Age of Norman Corwin
DOCUMENTARY FEATURE: March of the Penguins
ART DIRECTION: Memoirs of a Geisha
ORIGINAL SCORE: Gustavo Santaolalla, Brokeback Mountain
SOUND MIXING: King Kong
ORIGINAL SONG: "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp," from Hustle & Flow
SOUND EDITING: King Kong
FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM: Tsotsi (South Africa)
FILM EDITING: Crash

Show highlights:

Jon Stewart, in his monologue, told the audience that Bjork could not attend because she "was trying on her Oscar dress and Dick Cheney shot her."
Ben Stiller presented an award wearing a green unitard.
Will Ferrell and Steve Carell -- Ferrell in red, blotchy face make-up and Carell in eye make-up -- deadpanning their presentation of the Best Make-Up nominees.
After the award for Best Original Song was presented, Stewart told the audience, "For those of you keeping score at home: Martin Scorsese, zero Oscars. Three Six Mafia -- one."

That's not butterbeer...

2006-03-01T17:36:00.000-08:00

For those of you wondering why this picture warrants an entry: That's fifteen-year-old Emma Watson, star of the Harry Potter movies, enjoying an alcoholic beverage.

And yet, there are still those of you out there who believe Harry Potter is for the kids.

Could Samuel L. Jackson be any cooler?

2006-02-28T22:30:00.000-08:00

If he wasn't already the coolest person in Hollywood, this news from Total Film might seal the deal.

Samuel L. Jackson recently admitted that he signed on to star in an upcoming movie Snakes on a Plane without reading the script first. He said the name of the movie just sounded so cool.

"I just saw the title Snakes on a Plane and said 'Okay, good. I'm there,'" Jackson said. "You have got to love that title, that's exactly what it is -- 500 poisonous snakes released on a flight from Hawaii to Los Angeles ... It's fun!"

Total Film also did the math and found out that since his role in 1994's Pulp Fiction, Jackson has starred in an average of one movie every 90 days.

What a bad ass!

Oscar predictions

2006-02-28T18:04:00.000-08:00

BEST PICTURE
Brokeback Mountain
Capote
Crash
Good Night, and Good Luck
Munich

MY PREFERENCE: Crash
PREDICTED WINNER: Crash
WHY: I think a lot of people are expecting Brokeback to continue to dominate, but I think Oscar-voters are as tired of hearing about it as we are. Of the other choices in the category, only Crash has been building in popularity and acclaim these past few weeks. Also, remember that last year Million Dollar Baby beat out The Aviator, a film people thought was sure to win the big prize.

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BEST ACTOR
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote
Terrence Howard, Hustle & Flow
Heath Ledger, Brokeback Mountain
Joaquin Phoenix, Walk the Line
David Strathairn, Good Night, and Good Luck

MY PREFERENCE: Terrence Howard, Hustle & Flow
PREDICTED WINNER: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote
WHY: Hoffman is the frontrunner and rightfully so, but I still think it would be nice to see Terrence Howard get the award for playing a pimp-turned-rapper. If anyone's going to win an award for playing such a role, it should probably be Howard for Hustle & Flow.

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BEST ACTRESS
Judi Dench, Mrs. Henderson Presents
Felicity Huffman, Transamerica
Keira Knightley, Pride & Prejudice
Charlize Theron, North Country
Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line

MY PREFERENCE: Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line
PREDICTED WINNER: Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line
WHY: Dench, Knightley and Theron are already winners for receiving nominations. The race -- and it doesn't seem like it's even a close one -- is between Huffman and Witherspoon. I'd like to see Witherspoon go home with the award, and if her lucky streak continues, she will.

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BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
George Clooney, Syriana
Matt Dillon, Crash
Paul Giamatti, Cinderella Man
Jake Gyllenhaal, Brokeback Mountain
William Hurt, A History of Violence

MY PREFERENCE: Matt Dillon, Crash
PREDICTED WINNER: George Clooney, Syriana
WHY: Giamatti was overlooked last year for Sideways, but he won't win for Cinderella Man because the movie never really connected with a large audience. Gyllenhaal's movie has received tons of support and award season buzz but rarely is he singled out as particularly noteworthy. William Hurt's role in A History of Violence is too small to overshadow other nominees like Clooney and Dillon. These two men (Clooney and Dillon) are the frontrunners and it will be interesting to see which way the Academy sways. My guess is that they will honor Clooney here just so he doesn't go home empty handed (because he will lose the Best Director and Best Original Screenplay awards). Dillon, who was excellent in Crash, deserves to win.

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BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Amy Adams, Junebug
Catherine Keener, Capote
Frances McDormand, North Country
Rachel Weisz, The Constant Gardener
Michelle Williams, Brokeback Mountain

MY PREFERENCE: Catherine Keener, Capote
PREDICTED WINNER: Rachel Weisz, The Constant Gardener
WHY: This category is pretty up in the air. Michelle Williams and Amy Adams actually tied at the Golden Globes, but Rachel Weisz won at the SAG and BAFTA awards. I prefer Keener's deceivingly simple and understated performance in Capote, but I think that Weisz will take it home.

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BEST DIRECTOR
Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain
Bennett Miller, Capote
Paul Haggis, Crash
George Clooney, Good Night, and Good Luck
Steven Spielberg, Munich

MY PREFERENCE: Paul Haggis, Crash
PREDICTED WINNER: Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain
WHY: It is unsual for a film to win Best Picture and not win the Best Director prize, but it has happened before and I think it will happen again this year. Crash will win Best Picture but Ang Lee, who has won the directing prize at every major award show so far, will win Best Director.

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BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Paul Haggis & Bobby Moresco, Crash
George Clooney & Grant Heslov, Good Night, and Good Luck
Woody Allen, Match Point
Noah Baumbach, The Squid and the Whale
Stephen Gaghan, Syriana

MY PREFERENCE: Paul Haggis & Bobby Moresco, Crash
PREDICTED WINNER: Paul Haggis & Bobby Moresco, Crash
WHY: Crash should walk away with this award for managing to make a powerful and provocative movie out of more than eight intertwining subplots. Of the other films in the category, Good Night, and Good Luck and Syriana do have a chance to win. Unlikely though. This one's for Crash.

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BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
Larry McMurtry & Diana Ossana, Brokeback Mountain
Dan Futterman, Capote
Jeffrey Caine, The Constant Gardener
Josh Olson, A History of Violence
Tony Kushner and Eric Roth, Munich

MY PREFERENCE: Dan Futterman, Capote
PREDICTED WINNER: Larry McMurtry & Diana Ossana, Brokeback Mountain
WHY: Apparently Brokeback was adapted from a short story, which makes it pretty much unstoppable in this category.

Not too sure about this one, Oscar...

2006-02-22T17:40:00.000-08:00

EW.com just posted what the 2006 Oscar stage will look like, and here it is. The show's supposed to have an Old Hollywood theme this year but I think they've taken it too far. It looks like Siegfried and Roy, or possibly the kind people at Carnival Cruise Ships, designed this stage. Here's hoping Jon Stewart, the night's host, makes fun of it.

Trump berates Martha; hilarity ensues

2006-02-22T07:38:00.000-08:00

Donald Trump has some fighting words for Martha Stewart. He's upset that she won't take the blame for her Apprentice spin-off's failure. And he blames her for his show's lower ratings.

Get a load of the nasty letter he sent her. Here are some of its key points:

"Your performance was terrible in that the show lacked mood, temperament and just about everything a show needs for success."
"I knew it would fail as soon as I first saw it -- and your low ratings bore me out."
"Between your daughter, with her one-word statements, your letter writing and, most importantly, your totally unconvincing demeanor, it never had a chance -- much as your daytime show is not exactly setting records."

A little context for this next one: Stewart says that Trump's Apprentice was supposed to cease filming and end completely, ushering in hers. She was actually going to say "You're fired" to him on her Apprentice's premiere episode. Stewart blames Trump's decision to stay on the air for her show's failure.

Now, check out his low blow:

"Essentially, you made this firing up just as you made up your sell order of ImClone."

Up to this point his letter had been mean-spirited, but that last "ImClone" bit catapulted it into EVIL (and awesome) territory.

Can't wait to hear how Stewart takes all this. I say it's time she uses her steely, ice-cold persona to battle the Donald. Hey, she could make fun of his hair -- everyone loves that!

Aaaaaand if all else fails, SHANK HIM STEWART! (What, you thought I'd make it to the end of this without a prison joke?)

What the F, Cheney?!

2006-02-19T00:39:00.000-08:00

This week in holy-shit-you've-got-to-be-kidding-me news...

I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't mention that Vice President Dick Cheney shot a 78-year-old man while hunting. I mean, it's so outrageous and unbelievable that surely it falls under the mainstream pop culture umbrella.

I take it you've all heard the story but trust me, there's a lot of false information out there. So let me (accurately) run you through what happened that fateful February afternoon:

Vice President Cheney and the boys were out hunting. Among the group was a 78-year-old lawyer. Said lawyer shot himself a quail and set off in its direction to retrieve said quail. Then Cheney was all, "Hey that was my quail. You totally saw me aiming for that quail!" and the 78-year-old was all, "I'm 78 years old! What are you going to do? Shoot me?!"

SO DICK SHOT HIM. IN THE FACE. What the F, Cheney?!

I'm n luv wit a stripper

2006-02-13T14:14:00.000-08:00

One of the perks of having access to Chicago radio stations is that I'm normally up to date with, if not ahead of, the music scene. Sometimes weeks before a song is popular on MTV, BET or VH1, it's on the city's radio air waves. So when I head back to the Chicago area, I'm always eager to hear what's playing on the four or five top stations.

Now, imagine my excitement when I happened upon a little gem called "I'm N Luv (Wit A Stripper)," a song that has quickly become my (new) anthem. Enjoy the lyrics and see the picture on the right:

[Intro]
God damn lil mama
U know U thick as hell, U know what I'm sayin
Matter fact
After the club U know what I'm talkin bout
Me and my niggas gon be together, U know what I'm sayin
I aint gon worry bout them really though
I'm just lookin at U
Yea, U know
U got them big ass hips, god damn!

[Verse 1]
Got the body of a goddess
Got eyes butter pecan brown, I see you girl
Droppin low
She comin down from the ceiling
To tha flo
Yea she know what she doin
Yea yea yea
She doin that right thang
Yea yea yea yea-eah
I need to get her over to my crib and do that night thang
Cause I'm n luv wit a stripper

[Chorus x2]

She poppin, she rollin, she rollin
She climbin that pole and
I'm n luv wit a stripper
She trippin, she playin, she playin
I'm not goin nowhere girl, I'm stayin
Im n luv wit a stripper

[Verse 2]
Out of all the girls, she be the hottest
Likin the way she break it down, I see U girl
Spinnin wide
And she lookin at me
Right in my eyes
Yea she got my attention
Yea yea yea
Did I forget to mention
I need to get her over to my crib and do that night thang
Cause I'm n luv wit a stripper

[Chorus x2]

[Verse 3]
She can pop it, she can lock it
Teddy Penderass down, I'm bout to see this sexy girl
In my bed
She don't know what she is doin
To my head
Yea she turnin tricks on me
Yea yea yea
She don't even know me
Yea yea yea-eah
I'd have got her over to my crib to do that night thing
Cause I'm n luv wit a stripper

[Chorus x4]

How perfect is that? It makes me think of all the struggling songwriters out there who just can't seem to write that "perfect song." And then along comes this guy, who tells it like it is with a simple but perfect ode to his stripper love interest. I'm surprised no one came up with this idea sooner, because honestly who isn't in love with a stripper? I'm happy for this guy and hope he enjoys many a free lap-dance. Things like this make me love America.

(Oh, and about the picture: I consulted a friend who agreed that since she could wear that on the ABC network at 7 p.m. on a weekday, she could wear it here. Consider it a ratings stunt.)

Why Lost was made for TiVo

2006-02-12T13:21:00.000-08:00

I think Lost is a show that will forever define our generation, at least in terms of the way we watch TV. It tells the types of stories that demand our attention and extreme focus. And while it works on the level of sheer entertainment for most, it also proposes a sort of mental challenge to viewers who are willing to accept it. In short, it's interactive in a way that television never used to be.

It's the type of show that seems tailor-made for TiVo.

I say this because a single viewing of the one-hour drama races by so quickly that we can't possibly absorb all that the writers leave for us to absorb. On the surface, you have the amazing visuals. I mean, they're in the jungle and on beaches for the majority of the show (except, of course, for the flashback sequences). And then you have the general storylines that play out like mini-movies, revealing just a little bit more about the island and its inhabitants week after week. On a deeper level, you have the big mystery: Why are these plane crash survivors on this island? Who's really in control of this entire thing?

And then there are the clues.

The creative minds behind Lost are masters at making the viewers feel like they're in the hands of people who know what they're doing. The viewers believe the writers have the mystery figured out (even if they really don't and are just making it up as they go along) and that creates an aura of intrigue. We want to figure the damn thing out.

Take last week's episode, for example. Two clues as to the island's purpose and the whole show's premise were hidden in plain sight. Granted, these might have been placed to mislead us but they were there and they're worth noting. By the way, I've looked around and I'm not the only one who noticed these things. Here they are:

1. Hurley is seen on the beach reading a manuscript he found in someone's (who did not survive the plane crash) luggage. It is called "The Bad Twin" by Gary Troup. Rearrange the letters in that (made-up) author's name and you get P-U-R-G-A-T-O-R-Y. People have long been speculating that the island the Losties landed on is, in fact, purgatory (that creepy middle-ground between heaven and hell, according to the Bible). The creators of the show have actually denied that theory but with a clue like this, it's hard to know what to think.

2. Another scene shows Locke rearranging books in the underground hatch discovered in Lost's first season. The camera lingers on him while he's holding a copy of The Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge. Ever heard of it? Well, it's the story of a man who is sentenced to a hanging at Owl Creek Bridge. When the hanging happens, the rope breaks and the man escapes. The bulk of the novel deals with the man being on the run and with his journey home. Toward the end of the novel, the man feels a sharp pain in his neck. You learn that the man never actually escaped, but rather imagined escaping and running home in the very few seconds before the actual hanging. The sharp pain he feels is, of course, the noose breaking his neck.

What's Lost telling us by planting these tidbits? Is life on the island as the Losties know it all a figment of their imaginations, or one character's imagination? Is there really no island? The only certainty is that Lost is not as simple as it may seem on the surface. We're not on Gilligan's Island; there are far weirder, possibly supernatural things going on here.

But like I said, these are the types of things that make Lost a new breed of TV show -- a type that not only demands our focus and intelligence but also asks that we actively participate in its mystery to get the full experience. So, as you can imagine, it's reassuring to know I can pause, rewind and rewatch. Get yourselves a TiVo DVR and watch yourselves some Lost.

Kanye's performance plagiarism

2006-02-11T09:55:00.000-08:00

Kanye West has made a habit of sampling other artists' music, each time garnering himself a new hit song. He's got "Gold Digger," which features a sample of Ray Charles' "I Got A Woman" and there's also "Diamonds from Sierra Leone," which sampled Shirley Bassey's 1971 hit "Diamonds are Forever." These were both great songs and that's all well and good.

But if nothing else, West has always prided himself on having a unique star persona and stage show. That's why it was pretty shocking to see him take the stage at the Grammy's Wednesday with a performance that completely ripped off his fellow nominee, Gwen Stefani.

vs.

You might have caught her music video (pictured above) or you might just know that she'd been performing her mega-hit "Hollaback Girl" all over the place since summer 2005 in full marching band garb with a full marching band behind her. She did it on SNL, she did it on MTV and other places too. It was clever and fitting because the song had a schoolyard feel to it.

So when West and Jamie Foxx performed "Gold Digger" at the Grammy's wearing marching band uniforms (and accompanied by marching bands), I had to wonder what made West steal her idea.

Maybe he saw that it worked for Stefani, or maybe he just didn't know he was committing performance plagiarism. But I, for one, wanted the cameras to pan over to Stefani's seat during West and Foxx's performance because honestly, anybody who's walked past a TV in the past few months was thinking the same thing.

You could argue that maybe the marching band thing isn't that original of an idea to begin with, or that I'm just trying to knock Kanye West down a peg. Well you'd be right on both counts, but especially the latter because there's only so much Kanye-cockiness I can take. The truth is, the conceited attitude is what turns Grammy voters and even fans off. I'm willing to be a bit more patient with it.

I have both of his CDs in my iPod and I think "Spaceship" is quite possibly my anthem. I just wish he'd tone down the cocky a tad and that he would've rocked the '06 Grammy's in a completely new way -- one that hadn't been done before.

Spears: It is what it is, I guess

2006-02-10T22:55:00.000-08:00

Much fuss has been made lately about Britney Spears driving her SUV with her four-month-old son in her lap. Obviously, the baby should've been secured into the car seat in the back seat. But nope, he was up front chilling on hot mama's lap. Awesome.

This girl/woman can't catch a break. She's made some pretty sketchy life choices lately and it seems like she'll have to do something extraordinary if she wants to amount to more than just a Feder-punch line. (You see what I did there? I took the last name Federline and combined it with punch line. Shit, I guess it's not funny if you have to explain it.) If Letterman, Conan and the writers at SNL have been waiting for more Britney Spears material, then she just gave them at least a month's worth.

I was surprised to hear she responded to any of this because it seemed like the type of thing handlers would tell her to "wait out" until it blew over. But instead of keeping a low profile, she came out and said the paparazzi were so aggressive that she acted on instinct. Well I'm no expert but I think your instincts should have told you that a bunch of middle aged men with cameras weren't going to put your baby's life in danger -- but driving with the baby on your lap would.

"I made a mistake and so it is what it is, I guess," Spears said to Access Hollywood.

Overall, I think it was a lapse of judgment -- a young mother's mistake. A lot of press outlets are giving this more attention than it probably deserves. Don't get me wrong though, I'm still totally against driving with an infant on your lap. But I don't think that what Spears did is anywhere near as bad as, well, this: